I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
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Friday, May 28th, 2004
|It's going to be long.
You're my sister, don't you think you should call me? It's been a month since I've talked to you, and it's 5 months since I held you.
I miss you everyday, Melissa. I do, I really do. I miss the way you would hog the shower every morning and we almost miss our bus, because I still had to shower. And I miss the way you sat in my room, on the computer until 12:00 am and we would talk and laugh and get yelled at by Mom because she had to work, and we would giggle softly when she was done yelling. I miss the way you would break out in some random dance in the middle of the kitchen when we were alone. I miss the way you would cry softly in your room, and when I knocked you let me in.
I don't miss how I used to find your bloody razors when I would be watching T.V. in your room. Those scared me, so much. I don't miss how I would get yelled at when you missed Connecticut too much, so you would take it out on me. I don't miss how I got casted to one side when Michael wanted to play with you.
I want to talk to you, but I have too much pride to call you and write to you in an email, so I'll just write it where you'll never find it. I miss you, Melissa. You were my hero, did you know that? You held it together, but you had to leave. I'll never know why...Why couldn't you stay with your family Melissa? Were we that bad?
I'm sorry for ever hurting you, by the meaningless insults I gave you. I love you so much Melissa, call us. Please, we all miss you. Come home, it's okay.
I wonder about the unborn baby in your stomach, is it okay? Do you drink, because if you do you could be killing it? Please say you're not smoking...Does Jenn know yet? Does Grandma? When are you going to tell Mom and Dad? Or am I going to be the only family member that knows? What's the baby's name? Are you okay?
I love you so much Melissa. You'll always be my hero. Always. I pray for you everyday, be safe, be happy but remember where you're real family is.
Love always and today,
Just your sister.
My Dearest Sibling,
WHY must we fight so much? I know right now you are away and having fun and you are going to be gone most of the summer but I miss you why can't you accept that? I did nothing to hurt you! I guess you could say this is my appology letter for doing nothing... but hopefully you come to your senses and realize im the closest thing you have besides Mom. You are with me all the time but then we start to fight why? We fight over the stupidest things is it because you dont know when to stop, or is it because I can't keep my cool? I don't much know but I LOVE YOU and I just want the fighting to stop!
I know you won't read this but I need to know why you hate me so much. I know I flirted a lot and thats why you broke up with my I know I didn't treat you right at TNT but that doesn't mean we can't be mature about it! You told me we could be friends and then its like when someone else is around its different like you have multiple personalities it confuses me cause I never know whats going on... if we are friends or if you hate me. I'm not going to lie I still like you but I've moved on and I know you probably hate me. Maybe just maybe one day you will mature and learn that you need to treat girls with respect even if they are mean to you, women bring lives into this world and so do men but women go through all the pain and suffering. I guess I am done cause this is all I have to say to your sorry ass!
<3 Me Current Mood: curious
Every morning I go to school looking forward to seeing your face. You can always make me laugh, and I love it when I can make you laugh. You are so cute and so perfect in every way. I love the way you have such a unique sense of style, and you can be yourself and not care what anyone else thinks. I love everything about you. I love your personality and the way you are always so full of interesting things. I love your hair and the way it falls in your face. I love your glasses and the way you love them too. I adore your corduroy jacket, and your red converse shoes. I love hearing you say my name, and I love the fact that you can sing. I wish I could do something about the way I feel, but I couldn't. Rejection is too hard to face, especially now. You go through some rough times in your life, but you always get right back up. I admire you so much. You are an amazing guy and I love being friends with you, even if I wish we had a closer relationship. Most of all, I wish I could tell you these things and hear you tell me you feel the same way about me.
I hate you. I hate that even as I'm trying to write this, I can't express how I feel. Everything you do makes me want to scream, but I cant help but make you the center of everything. I know I hide it well, I'm used to pretending, I guess you taught me that. I can look at you with a straight face, and you'll never even have a clue what's really going on. Not like you care anyway. I don't know why I'm waiting around, or what I'm waiting around for. It makes no sense. I don't really even know who you are. I kid myself, and pretend that I do, but I'm not sure I do, and I'm not sure I ever will. I really don't even know why I'm wasting my time with all of this. Not like you're ever gonna see this anyway. I'm not sure how I feel, Because everytime I even follow a hint of what I think I feel, I crush it, before I can give myself any hope. Hope causes more pain in the end. I don't think I should care about how I feel anymore. I'll become numb to my own feelings. Like you are.
I can't fucking stand you either. Not latley at least. Current Mood: whatever.