I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
[Most Recent Entries]
Thursday, May 27th, 2004
Dear Future Roommate-
I have no idea why you insist on moving away for the summer to spend time w/ your fiance when you can't afford it. I have no idea why it is so important to you that you be broke instead of having money for the next school year. Why did you previously insist on moving in w/ me in August @ the latest but then IM me to tell me that now you may want to wait until September? If we are signing a 9-month lease because you will only be here from August to May why do you want to wait until September now? If you won't be here in June that will leave me w/ a month of rent to pay for by myself!
Why did you give up the only job you had so that you could go see Eric for the summer & work an unpaid internship when you could've found a PAID internship here? WTF?
Oh future roommate I love you so much but you won't believe how frustrated you've made me. If you can't move in by August-I'm moving somewhere else w/ out you.
Lisa Current Mood: frustrated
they went to the movies yesterday, and saw you and ashley.i'm just glad i wasn't there.
do you ever even think about me anymore, why didnt you just tell me? why won't you stop flirting with me, you obviously can't stand me, my emotions. you even told her to get me to let go? i can't believe you!
you say you love me, you tell me so many things and i believed you!
because there has never been anyone to ever see anything in me.
no one has ever showed me i had worth.
and now im back to square one, in tears whenever you look at me with that playful love in your eyes.
why can't you just tell me off?
just say you feel nothing!
i told you how i felt and you avoid me?
what the hell is wrong with you?
why cant i let go?...
Fuck you for being so gorgeous and funny that girls can't help but like you even if they've only actually hung out with you for one night. And fuck them for flirting with you constantly, even though they only know you through MySpace. And fuck me for not having enough courage to tell you that I like you.
Why did you feel the need to take your life? You were 16 years old, at the top of your game. Wrestling champion, football star, loved by everyone you ever came in contact with. And on May 19, you decided you couldn't take this anymore. Something inside of you told you that this was the best thing for you to do. So you took the rope, you tied it to the tree, and you hung yourself behind your house.
Did you know that ryan and chris found you? Two of your best friends found you dead, hanging from the tree. You've crushed everyone's heart. 2,000 kids are waiting for you to walk into school. 2,000 kids cried for you, and they're still crying for you. Crystal is waiting for someone to mess around with in chemistry. Sam is waiting for you to rap into her phone again. Me, Sara, and Steph are waiting for you to come to our basketball games again. Meg is waiting to cry again, since you've taken all her tears. Mr. J is waiting for you to escape your oponnents hold again. Danny is waiting for you so he can give you back your fleece. Adam is waiting to drop you off at home. We're all waiting to hear you laugh again. Chris wants to give you your money back. Doc Mo is waiting for you to tell her that we should play a giant game of strip poker within the school in order to promote unity. We're waiting to watch you wrestle next year. We waited 5 hours to say goodbye to you.
5 hours well spent. 5 hours with strangers, waiting in the pouring rain in front of the funeral parlor. We finally got to say goodbye, and there you were, resting your beautiful self in the coffin. Your parents were statues, your sisters were hysterical, and I ran out. I ran out with janine, your "new best friend". And we cried, and you cried too, i knew you were crying because it was raining too hard.
I want to thank you for watching over the softball girls and lacrosse girls this past week. You kept the rain off and gave us the strength we needed.
A week has passed. We're never going to heal. This town has been broken down. These hearts have been shattered, these minds confused. Patty D.Sho...we miss you. We love you.
"It's so simple to be wise...just think of something stupid to do and don't do it
"...you said it yourself...if only you had taken your own advice.
And I know you're an angel now, watching over us. And I hope that somehow you can read this, even though that's just a silly dream. Pat...words cannot express how much we all loved you. And how much we all miss you. And how we're never ever going to forget you.
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven, like so many friends we've lost along the way, and i know eventually we'll be together...one sweet day.
Patty D...we love you...I can't say it enough.
|"this must be how you know you're really deeply in like with someone"
I love how you can always make me laugh, and how I can always get you calmed down.
You're going to graduate, don't stress, Mr. Pazaro won't let you fail. He thinks you're too cool.
I love how you sign your emails with inside jokes. "Kisses and sweet nothings," (because that's what you left me in your senior will) or "Romantic things and whipped cream," (because today when you were covered in whipped cream you tackled me and kissed me).
I love everything about you, but I'm not stupid enough to fall in love yet. I'll just enjoy this while it lasts.
Happy hugs and the phrase, "It's all about the sasuage",
Ciera Current Mood: grateful
I wonder about the girls from your past, what they meant to you, if you thought you were in love with them.
I wonder if you cried to them, over them, about them. I wonder if any of them made you cry as much as I have.
I wonder if you think about them now and find yourself wishing for one more day with them, find yourself wanting to taste their lips just one more time. I wonder if you would if you had the opportunity.
I wonder if they still exist to you, I wonder if you still mean something to them.
It is hard for me to think of you with someone else, I guess because I never really had anything I would consider a relationship before I met you.
I need to stop questioning everything you say. I need to stop this constant search for secrets from your past, because when it all comes down to it, thats all it is, something of the past, history.
<3 Current Mood: I wonder...
|my letter to you!
maybe the reason i care for megan more is because i have known her longer... sarah im not saying i cant trust u but u broke my trust once so im careful of what i say u were teh only one to know about the whole shaquan thing until i told casey last night! i know it was fucked up how joe told me first i didnt like that feeling he didnt go back out with u just cause of me he told me he liked u n wanted to go out with you but i helped him im sorry for ever hurting you and u know what about the whole losing megan thing megan is gunna have more friends and yeah shes gunna be with them too... about the whole joe breaking up with you thing im sorry but what u were doing to him was wrong also... maybe not as bad as what i did to dylan but still it was wrong and about the whole batting average thing if u try then it shouldnt matter and yes i was just joking sarah i get made fun of also! im not always good at something i wanna do like u r great at writing poety and i suck! thats just a talent god gave you! im sorry if it felt like i was always knocking you down! im sorry for saying something u think is a big deal is stupid but when i dont know whats bothering you about something i did or have done then yea i think ur pissed cause of something stupid but this right here isnt stupid! yes i know i would have been pissed if i forgot my bag but (not tryin to be mean) life goes on! about ur grades... i dont know why u had to lie to me by saying to didnt try i will be there to help you anyone will help you if u want it! about the whole survey thing maybe thats just how i felt at the time i dont remember thinking about all the shit i did to piss u off gets to me cause i didnt wanna to do anything in any wayv to hurt you! NEVER HAVE I JUST RELIED ON U IF THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE some time i even made plans with you before i did ne one else! like the night my mom had her christmas party or whatever it was! you were the first person i asked to hang out with sarah i love you! From now on if im talking and u wanna say something just say i have something to say... rather than not say ne thing at all... yeah i was upset that bob and tami were leaving but what they did was immature the only thing in my mind that they did wrong was taking the pictures and yea i didnt know them or talk to them as much as you did but that doesnt mean i didnt care for them! and you know what i have a right to be pissed about the powell tiwn thing cause i knew bob n tami before they did i never talked to tami on the phone but i thought it was fucked up that she was doing taht to u guys! i know that the note u wrote to dylan was the truth but that doesnt mean u had to leave it for me to find or do it while i was around! o n this song u made up i know ur mad but if we become friends again itll be fucked up i dont know what this song is about but "friends" dont do that!
<3 me Current Mood: crushed
i love you so much, and really care about you. i don*t understand how after everything that happened with other people in the past, you could still be like this. you saw how it ruins lives. you saw how it breaks people down. you won*t ever admit it, either. i guess i kind of understand. but it makes me worry so much, and i*m so scared. you live off salad, and force yourself to eat that and only that, or otherwise nothing. i don*t want you to go down that road. it*s a long, ugly, nasty, scary road. i love you too much to let anything happen to you. and now we*ll be away together for a month this summer. i can*t babysit you, i just can*t. but you need to start eating. your excuse is that you don*t like it. well, what happened? you always used to like it. it scares me. it really does. your mom won*t be of help. and i really don*t know what to do about you. i just want you to get better, and as selfish as it is, i want to stop being so scared.
i*ll write sincerely yours,
and sign my name
p.s. i love you, forever and today <3 Current Mood: worried
Dear Guy From My Past,
Stop it. Just stop it right now. You can't come back now. I'm done with you. I don't mind chatting online or being friends...but I cannot have you back in my life. You've done too much damage as it is...
Dear Guy Of The Present,
.....I wish you would realize how important you are to me...I only hope I can find another guy someday that is as true as you are.