I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope

Dear YOU,

I am dying to tell you how I feel. I just want you to know that I love you. With all of my mind, heart, and soul. You are the most pure soul I've ever known. I can't stop thinking about you. I wish I could make you forget about her and fall in love with me. But I can't. I don't know if you ever would.

Would you love me? If you could, would you?

Love, your Mickie

so, you dont know this, i didnt even know this, and no one, especially you, will ever know this, but, your the greatest person ever, i love all the good times when we would just laugh about nothing and never do anything except laugh, thats why we failed that class, but lol im laughing now just thinking of us laughing, you made that class great, and i love the faces you would make, and then claim that you dont make faces, so hillarious, and i love how we always made fun of each other, we were so mean to each other, but always knew we were kidding, man, if i could change one thing about this year, it would have been to have you in all my classes, then i never would have had a bad day. im glad i had that class first, because even if i had the worst morning, i knew i would see you in that class, and somehow you would make me laugh about something, i love the way you made fun of michael, after he broke up with me, just to make me laugh, even though he's your best friend, you still sided with me.i love how you would always give me your last life saver, even when it was your favorite flavor, i love how you said you were sorry when you got really mad, even though it wasnt me that you got mad at, i love how you made fun of everything i said, and i love how you hated so much that for every one mean thing you said, i had 10 mean things lined up for you, i love how you were always so worried about your hair, and i love the face you made when i told you that you had a mullet, i love the funny voices you made, i love how you acted like such a gangsta, when you deffinantly are not one, i love how you insisted you would give me my book back, and you still havnt, i dont think you've even read it yet...i love how you would try to lie to me, but you sucked at it, and i love how when i lied to you, you believed everything i said, i love how you would tap your feet on the ground just to piss everyone in the class off, i actually hated how you would always take your shoes off...that was gross, i also hated when you popped your neck, and it sounded gross, but most of all, i love that i never thought of you as more then anything but i friend, i love how i stayed friends with you, and was sickly grossed out by the thought of being anything but friends with you, and i love how i am still grossed out by even thinking of ever being anything more than friends with you. lol your the person im never going to forget, and i love that.

so, you dont know this, i didnt even know this, and no one, especially you, will ever know this, but, your the greatest person ever, i love all the good times when we would just laugh about nothing and never do anything except laugh, thats why we failed that class, but lol im laughing now just thinking of us laughing, you made that class great, and i love the faces you would make, and then claim that you dont make faces, so hillarious, and i love how we always made fun of each other, we were so mean to each other, but always knew we were kidding, man, if i could change one thing about this year, it would have been to have you in all my classes, then i never would have had a bad day. im glad i had that class first, because even if i had the worst morning, i knew i would see you in that class, and somehow you would make me laugh about something, i love the way you made fun of michael, after he broke up with me, just to make me laugh, even though he's your best friend, you still sided with me.i love how you would always give me your last life saver, even when it was your favorite flavor, i love how you said you were sorry when you got really mad, even though it wasnt me that you got mad at, i love how you made fun of everything i said, and i love how you hated so much that for every one mean thing you said, i had 10 mean things lined up for you, i love how you were always so worried about your hair, and i love the face you made when i told you that you had a mullet, i love the funny voices you made, i love how you acted like such a gangsta, when you deffinantly are not one, i love how you insisted you would give me my book back, and you still havnt, i dont think you've even read it yet...i love how you would try to lie to me, but you sucked at it, and i love how when i lied to you, you believed everything i said, i love how you would tap your feet on the ground just to piss everyone in the class off, i actually hated how you would always take your shoes off...that was gross, i also hated when you popped your neck, and it sounded gross, but most of all, i love that i never thought of you as more then anything but i friend, i love how i stayed friends with you, and was sickly grossed out by the thought of being anything but friends with you, and i love how i am still grossed out by even thinking of ever being anything more than friends with you. lol your the person im never going to forget, and i love that.

i fucking hate the way i just wrote a really long letter to you, and it totally disapeared...

im really messing things up right now...sorry

Dear Tiffany,

Why did you pretend to be my friend and then turn into a crazy bitch? You got mad at me for being upset when you were fighting with our friends... You knew I wasn't upset with you, but just upset in general. You kicked me out of your apartment when he called. I'm sorry I made out with him on the hood of your car. (hee!) But you know. These things happen. I think you were mad at him because he called you those names, but you called him names, too. You guys are just roommates and friends. You try to get me to date him but then at the same time you tell me about all of his girlfriends and how they do it on your couch. I seriously do not want to know that shit.

Basically, I want to know why you're so two-faced all the time. You talk shit about all of your friends and then when you call them it's all "Hi sweetie! When do you want to hang out? Okay honey!" What?!

Try being straight-forward for once.

Also, I know that everyone we work with is in love with you. You use it to your advantage. When we got in that fight, everyone sided with you. I got yelled at every day for stupid shit. It's very frustrating. Yes, you're pretty and blonde and your boobs are big, but you have an ugly heart. Unfortunately all our manager saw was the blonde and the pretty and the big boobs, so he's going to be all "Aww, poor Tiffany! Stupid Beth!" Even when I didn't do anything wrong. IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM!

I hate how you pretend to have quit doing drugs but then I see you snorting coke in the bathroom at work. What is that about? If you're going to do drugs at least own up to it. And quit looking at me like I'm retarded when I don't know the stupid lingo, like what a bump is. And don't expect me to apologize for not knowing, because if there is one thing I'm not sorry for it's that I've stayed out of that scene.

I just wish I could say all of these things to your face.

No love,
Beth

Dear Sarah,
I woke up and realized, she's too cool for me. I woke up and realized, he didn't want me anymore. I woke up and realized he was all I needed. I woke up today.

Why does the last day of freshman year have to end like this?

I'm sorry. I really didn't mean it when I said you would never be good enough for anyone. You'll be the greatest thing that ever happened to anyone. Just don't die right now, don't leave them there wondering what they could have done.

Could they have done anything? Could they have saved you from yourself? Did they look inside you and see what you felt? Did they want to?

How could you end it here? Now? With no one at your side, and being so spiteful? Just please, don't do it. I swear, I'll love you if you don't do it. I really will, I'll take care of you and tell you good things. I will. Don't you want to get married and have little babies? Don't you want to do something with your life?

So many questions that only you can answer. So take this into consideration, a lot of people love you even if I don't. So this is where I end my letter to you, in hopes that you do nothing to jepordize your future.

-Your inner you

Dear you,

please don't use me. cause i think that's what your going to do. god. just make up your mind. i don't understand you at all.

and now i'm afraid, that you know i would do anything for you...

love always
me
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear you,

i wish i could help you. i'm more afraid for you, than you even know. i don't want you to get hurt, or pregnant.

all i can tell you is just to stop. just stop it. cause if he really loves you, then you could be together without fucking everytime that you guys are together. i mean do you really want it to only be about sex...? cause that's all it seems to be now. that's all i'm hearing that you guys are doing.

don't break a promise, again. and leave us disappointed in you.

only trying to help,
me

dear melissa,
i know you dont mean to flirt with other guys but you really do. you're my best friend, and i would do anything for you, but you have to understand that he just isnt into you. you said you'd lay off and let him be, but you are just making this harder for me. i told you how i felt once before, not like you ever listen to me, you just ignore. melissa, im telling you this because you mean a lot. i just want you to lay off eli...i dont care if we're friends or not.
love me

Dear Tay
I hope you read this. I know your in this community too. I just don't know if you ever read what people write
But oh, if you do. Let me know you've read what I'm about to say.

I give up on trying to fight against what I feel. Your the only one who understands anything about me. And for that, I thankyou.
I'm so sick of caring wether or not Dwight has changed
And whether or not Adam would ever feel the same way about me
Or if things with Mike could ever work.. if he would just grow up
I'm sick of worrying If I'm going to lose ross to some girl, who hasn't showed him half as much love as I have
I'm sick of wasting every sleepless night thinking about all the happy people in the world, who have someone they can bask in their joy with.
I'm sick of wanting something I can't have
I'm sick of having only you who really understands me
And I'm sick of being able to trust only you with all my life
I'm sick of feeling ugly
I'm sick of feeling useless
I'm sick of feeling like god made a huge mistake in creating me
I'm sick of having to worry about everyone, and not worrying about myself.
I'm sick of trying to make everyone else happy, and not making myself happy
I'm sick of sticking up for people, who wont stick up for me
I'm sick of losing friends to significant others
I'm sick of living.
I'm sick of being sick.
Tired of being tired.
When will this nightmare end?
Oh god.
What are you sick of?

TO my family,

I don't understand why you all hide everything from one another. Everyone has problems and all you do is hid them. Why? are you so scared to show your true self? Well hell what am I doing? All i do is never show what i'm really feeling, never let anyone in. I'll get hurt, I always do. I'm just tired of being part of the gossip. I just want us to stop talking about each other and start getting help. Because all your kids are suicidal because of what you say and your awful parenting. Including me. And I just want us to be close. I don't want to lose any of my cousins to suicide. I'm tired of the back stabbing,if you don't stop pretending nothings wrong I will do something tragic. I swear. If we don't change as a family. I'll die. I can't handle this anymore. I'm in too deep.
xo