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Saturday, May 15th, 2004

Time Event
10:19a
x
10:44a
Emotions do not just fit into a neat little package.. no perfectly shaped box would ever be able to hold all the realms of emotion.. of the varying degrees. You can love someone and not be IN love, you can love someone and not even really like them all that much, and you can love someone and there is no term or level that comes close to expressing just how powerful that word is to you. My point is nothing fits in a nice little neat package.. not when it comes to emotions and feelings and matters of the head and heart.. the mind and soul. Life is not black and white, there are over a million variety of color shades.. green alone has more than 38,000 varying shades and tones... emotions and the small differences are so many that there arent words for each and everyone of them. People choose the words closest to what they feel, the word or words most easy to understand.. but rarely does that word actually fully describe the entire feeling.. or set of.. the emotions that go along with it. It is easy to be hurt or offended by what is said or even more.. what isnt said. One persons use of a word is rarely the same as anyone elses. I feel that is very much why relationships dont work out all that often, simply that. People hardly ever see life, love, hate, embarassment.. or any other emotion the same way as anyone else they know. When two people are interacting with each other.. there is always going to be one of them that feels stronger than the other.. one person who is able to let themselves go, free themselves, give themself over more than the other. No two people will ever view their life the same way as another. The best we can do as people dealing and loving and living with others is to try our best to express ourselves fully. To go beyond the call of words and use our actions as well as words to show how we feel. We grasp at objects and thoughts to compare our emotions with.. and we hope that we dont get hurt. I am guilty along with everyone else of becoming offended or hurt over what others do or do not feel as I do. Life and love suck.. being a human with emotions and thoughts, feelings.. needs.. it sucks, but it is a requirment.. a NEED greater than all others.. to have other people in our lives.
1 ||x
3:34p
Dear you..
I miss you green eyes.
But I don't miss the attitude you have.
I miss the old you.
Please, come back.

Current Mood: calm
x
4:51p
Pimp Juice, AKA Stewie, AKA Greg =D

I like you. I hope I like you for a long time. But I don't think I will.. If I stop, I hope I don't hurt you. I won't tell you anything that's not true, I promise. <3

The hackysacker.

Current Mood: content
3 ||x
5:15p
im so fucking mad at you for saying i love you last nite. how could you say that after everything that happend??? I JUST GOT OVER YOU.. I JUST MOVED ON... and you go and tell me you love me!???? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!???? of course NOW im back to liking you again... i hate you!! its so hard to like someone whos in the army how could you do this to me?????? i love you so much and it was SO HARD to get over you and to deal with you leaving and all the feelings and pain and emotions... i went thru all of it for nothing!! i dont know what to do anymore. i really dont.
x
5:59p


to her own reflection she said
I will hold on -
to her own reflection she said
I will be strong.
x
6:57p
I decided to join this community because i like that i can put my poems in here and know that people are reading it =]

please read this poem. i wrote it not so long ago. once you start, you kind of get into it, so i hope you like it. comment and tell me what you think =]


Those few hours of darkness tapped me on the shoulder to come into what was available to come about. Your hand gripped mine so securely it felt as if you were by no means going to set free. It was our opportunity. To discover what was going to take place in the aim of the night. We were together in my room, it was eight o’clock, and we must have gazed at each other for more than an hour. You looked on me, and it was remarkable. You dragged me close into you. Before I knew it I was on you whilst your arms were just about my waist. You positioned your head close to mine furthermore you whispered those words of reality that I have adored to take notice of every part of my existence, “As I look at you, I understand one obsession,” Is what you said. You smiled at me I did the equal. I looked back at you and I inquired, “What is it you become aware of?” You hesitated a slight for the reason that you were shy to approach to the words of “I’m in love with you.” I sited my hand upon your cheek, and I kept caressing your face. I had to state it back as it was reality. “ Tonight we know how to live evermore.” You took my hand. You said to me, “You know, you compose me to be happy even when I don’t desire to be.” I grinned. “Come with me,” You said. You pulled me up and you still seized on. And you took me through my window. I went primary, you followed, “come here!” you said, “I’m coming!” I replied. We finished up, the place where we required to be, on my rooftop. You pointed to the sky, “look up there, its unbelievable.” You then sat down. You told me to join you., so I did. “You’re so beautiful,” you said to me. You then lied down and I followed you. My head rested on your chest and you held me so securely. You kissed me on the forehead, as we dazed into the night the skies. As I was approaching into you, I hope the moment would last evermore. I blinked and a tear came splashed all the way down my cheek. “What’s the matter?” I hesitated. “I just wish it could always be like this” You smiled. You put your hand on my cheek, and drew my face closer to yours. I looked into your deep green circles that you call eyes. You calmly whispered, “I wont stop loving you.” You dragged my face closer; our lips protected each other’s. 1,2,3,4 seconds went by. Then 5,6,7. Just let it be longer, please. We pulled apart. We smiled. I blinked again. You were gone. Just like that. Come back. Please don’t leave me now. I blinked again, and I looked back up at the night sky. Did my fantasy face reality? Or was the entire a vision?
12 ||x
8:35p
New
This is a poem I wrote to my ex-boyfriend.

Just Between Me and You

I’m sick of the word love
Because it doesn’t mean anything
Especially sense when you said
You where saying it so you wouldn’t sound mean

I’m sick of my paper heart
And having it cut in half
And fixing it with tape and glue

I’m sick of being forgotten
Like a teenager baby toys and rings
Or the ending to a song
That no one ever sings

I’m sick of smiling all day
The crying until 11 at night

I’m sick of putting up a fight

I’m sick of being around you
So please stay away
Because there is still blood on your hands
And my heart is still stuck to your shoe
2 ||x
9:35p
deadly or over dramatised?
Reaching out to rip at a piece of a demolished heaven.
With all this lust and greed my soul is torn beyond repair,
Half of whatever it was,
And two fingers to those whose fault this is.
Missing myself...
Missing you more (?)
That I can blindly gaurantee.
So do not destroy me yet or what I live for,
A prepackaged form of empathy which you bring
And a sense of morality.
Sense because I can feel it but it's never really there.
Because it makes 'sense' to hold morals
But to act on these morals?
My dear you are fake, but I love what you imitate
More fool me.

kisses

Current Mood: giddy
2 ||x

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