May 12th, 2004

Masuimi Max

(no subject)

to you all-

I was informed today that every other couple in my prom group will be running off post-prom to go have sex. I figured that one of the couples would do this, but not all of them.

This is unforunate because I am going with a guy who he and I had played with the idea of being a couple and then I shot that down and have been making efforts to go back to being friends (which actually seem to be working). To add an interesting twist, I might be getting back together with my former boyfriend (who doesn't go to my school) soon, and prom is still three weeks away.

What I need are suggestions for what to do post-prom that don't require many people, can be done in fancy clothes, can be interpretted as "just friends", and definately don't involve sleeping with anyone.


(no subject)

dear everyone,

i really flip out sometimes and im sorry. i say horrible things and i dont think. kinda like last night when i did that.

that is all.

oh and ms. sorry im not working on my calendar right now.


oh and sometimes i really hate you. and i wish you would leave me alone. the end.
  • Current Music

Dear Ryan, Part 6

Dear Ryan,

Thank you. There aren't words to describe how much faith you restored in me. You have opened my eyes to so many things. Since I met you, I've wanted to become a better person. Hearing you give your opinion on things, seeing how deep you really are, makes me want to be like you. Since I met you, I've learned how to develop my own opinion on things, not just go with the crowd.

Your poetry is so profound, it makes me question my own beliefs. You pride yourself on your intelligence, and it doesn't matter if everyone around you has no intellectual depth, you still show you know how to construct a proper sentence. You showed me that "cool" isn't necessarily "popular." You, Ryan "The Body" Hart, you alone, can cut your long hair and come to school the next day in a Hawaiian ensemble and glasses and still everyone thinks you're cool. You're friends with everyone, and don't judge people on their appearance. Even though you yourself are a punk, you're friends with preps, you're friends with jocks, you're friends with just about everyone.

You make me feel wanted, you make me feel like I'm worth something. You tease me about being a freshman, I tease you about being a senior dating a freshman. You're my boyfriend, my role model, my best friend, my savior, my happiness, my everything. Amazing how one can have such strong feelings for someone I met only about 2 months ago. Whatever happens from here on out, when you go to North Carolina for the summer, when you leave in September to go into the army for 4 years, I don't care. I know I'll always have feelings for you. Ryan, thanks again, for giving me the realization that I can be anything I want, and the comfort of knowing no matter what stupid thing I do you'll still be there for me.

I might give this letter to you before you leave in September. Or I might never give this to you at all. Maybe I'll put it in your yearbook..who knows. All I know is you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

  • Current Music
    "Real World" -Matchbox 20

A letter to you!

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't really know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't really know)
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found

Now ask yourself
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
  • Current Music
    Where is the love?

(no subject)

Dear Me,

Why can't you say what you mean?

Why can't you tell him how you feel?

Why are you such a screw-up?

Why did you mess up the best thing you have ever had?

What are you going to do?

How are you going to make it?!?

-Jess <3


My dearest Chris,

You really have to stop this. This being nice to me. I might just have to fall in love with you.
And just do me one favor- stay out of my head. My thoughts. My dreams.
Its getting hard to concentrate. Your everything, your everywhere.
Its just getting a little hard to think of anything else.
But I guess I shouldn't complain. My friends don't amuse me any longer. My family makes me angry. My teachers annoy me.
But you. You make me happy. You make me feel special.
And when I hug you... sometimes I wonder what you would say if I never let go. Its like a weight of some kind has been lifted of my shoulders. And I want to kiss you. I want to be in your arms. I want to dance.
And the way you smell. Smells so good.
I could get lost in you eyes, if I weren't already lost in your heart.
Your smile is absolutly beautiful. You have such perfect teeth. And the way you laugh, Chris. I love it. I love everything about you.
I hope one day I make you happy. Make you smile. Make you laugh. Make you feel special.
I hope one day, I make you fall in love.
One day, we'll dance.
And I won't let go.
And I'll kiss your fragile lips.

one day chris, lets hope for a better tomorrow...


(no subject)

dear you,
you broke me down for the last time. this relationship/friendship is over. you lie cheat and manipulate your way out of spending time with me. all you ever did was spend time with her. i said it was okay but inside it tore me to pieces. so many wasted nights spent crying over you. this is the end of all my pain,sufferning and wasted time. im leavign you for good. i hope someday someone will do this to you and you can feel my pain. i hate you with a deep burning passion. have a nice life.
  • Current Mood
    depressed broken

(no subject)

dear whoever you are
STOP writing mean comments in my journal!!! yes i do have friends and yes you need to get a life if your pleasure is making my life misrable. stop writing these stupid comments that arent true im sick of them STOP

the journal your ruining

(no subject)

okay, you know what? fuck this. im not going to fucking wait around for you any longer. it's not like you're even going to fucking come back, everyone you need, everyone you love is with you now. or will be, anyway. what the fuck am i? dirt? probably worse. to think, i actually cried over you? cut myself over you? spent days in misery knowing that i can't see you? even if you were to come back, nothing would've changed. JUST FUCKING ADMIT IT, YOU STILL LOVE HER. deny it? fucking BULLSHIT. you have her carved on you forever, until the day you die. no matter how many times and how hard she'll trample over you, you'll still love her. entry after entry.. ALL YOU EVER DO IS FUCKING TALK ABOUT HER!!!!!! why the fuck did you even try to move on? it's very fucking noticeable that you're not over her. i'd be so happy to see you; all i did during class was write your name over and over with cute little hearts in fucking pink and red pens. was i even the first one you gave a hug to? why the hell did you even bother to talk to me when clearly you just came for her? i admit, i should've tried harder to make at least something out of the nothing we had. but you didn't really try either. hug, kiss, okay. FUCKING SAY SOMETHING. we don't even fucking talk anymore. you don't even know when you'll be back. most likely you wont though. fine. fuck you. atleast have the god damn balls to tell me that you're not, and im just some ugly ass bitch who wasted your time. you've done SO much self-mutilation over her.. the least you can do is take your anger out on me. atleast then i'll know that i'm not fucking invisible to you.

i don't care if you even find out about this, i don't fucking know what to think or say to anyone anymore. i sound so fucking cliche there, like any other teenage girl confused about her love life. BUT I REALLY FUCKING DON'T. i still fucking like you a shitload, hell, i could even say i love you and not be fucking disturbed by it. but fuck, not like you care. see you in hell, bitch.

(no subject)

mel or lindsay or whoever else wants to step in my way-

just fuck you. FUCK YOU. what the fuck is your problems. i'm sorry you're miserable with your pathetic lives, but you don't have to ruin mine. why can't you just go fuck up someone elses relationship.

mel- this is your fault. you complain about vince never wanting to talk to you anymore. LOOK AT WHAT YOUR FUCKING DOING! i wouldn't want to talk to you either.

lindsay- i'm not even going to start. so maybe you don't hate me... whatever. you're a pretty big bitch if you don't have anything against me.

just whatever. go fuck up some more... or drive off a bridge. whatever comes first.

fuck you.

(no subject)

you prick.
you fucking prick
fuck you, you dont even know me
and just becuase your FUCKING OBSESSED with her
doesnt mean im going to like you
i never liked you...
dont call me anything
dont call me a slut
cause i couldnt be less of one
and dont call me ugly
because im not even fucking close to being ugly
dont tell me what i said about you
cause ill say it to your fucking face
that is, if i actually cared enough.

and you.
dont lie to me anymore, i know you told him
told him i said all those rude things about him
and meanwhile, it was you,
all along it was you saying those things
and you pawn it off on me.
well fuck you.
your both, done with.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed