I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
[Most Recent Entries]
Monday, May 3rd, 2004
I doubt I'll ever be able to tell you, but there's just been so much going on. Since we broke up, I've tried moving on. God knows how many times I thought I did and found out it was just on the rebound. And sure, I do like someone else now. But it's not the same.
I don't understand. We broke up because of my parents, not because of something wrong with our relationship. I've only wanted to be with you since I met you. And even though I have moved on, I can't help but thinking about how it would be if we hadn't made so many mistakes.
I guess I see that you don't want to be with me anymore, but it's just something that's so hard to accept. I'm fine now, I mean it's past the whole depressive stage. But it still hurts me, and by now, this is a wound time should have healed. I'm not angry, and I can't say I'm hurt anymore. But I just don't see how you can leave and act so nonchalant around me anymore. Sorry, online, because I don't think we'll ever see each other again. With all the shit we both have going on, and your grades coming in, and my band practices loading up...
Times change, I need to move on. But I don't want to. I want it to be like before. Sitting at the school in the moonlight watching the planes go by and wishing on them, acting like they're shooting stars. Meeting up and running away from all the asian people to go make out somewhere. The movies, crying on your shoulder. I've never felt so secure, and when I couldn't get a ride home with you, I could feel your heart breaking, and it made me want to cry even more. And then the accident...
There's just so many things I miss, and I guess I just can't come to terms with the fact that it's all my parents fault. But why can't it just be like it always was? Why can't we get back together? I don't have to tell them, or maybe this time you could tell your parents. It doesn't matter, I just want you back.
Maya Current Mood: sad
Why would you put me thru this pain? Why leave me when I needed you most? You know about everything that I'm going thru and with my brother being in the war... I'm left feeling all alone. You were the only thing true... the only person I cared about... but now I'm feeling even more alone without you by my side.
I don't know why you feel the need to keep on leaving me. And I hate myself for taking you back every time. I hate you for putting me through this pain. You know that we are the best things that have happened to each other, and you know how good we are together. Why do you keep breaking my heart? What have I done to deserve this? I know I've done some pretty stupid things in my past... but I've apologized/made up for all of them. I'm so dumb sometimes... and I need you to help me get through all this... I need you to make me be a better person. Without you, I am really nothing.
So what if I went to Palmer's house that night. You never indicated one bit that you would be upset if we hung out. I sat on a chair... he laid on the couch... and we talked about how much I missed you and couldn't wait until you came home. Then I got that phone call... that fucking awful phone call that changed everything. Maybe I shouldn't of gone there... but I did not
deserve that picture or that torment from those girls. You knew that would kill me inside. You say that you care about me and don't want to see me hurt... so why would you let that happen? Just because you were pissed off?! I would have never ever in a million years thought that you would do something like that to me. I expect something like that from Chris, but not from you.
And I will continue to cry every night. Thinking about where everything went wrong. Thinking about that first night... October 3rd... standing outside of your car. I've never felt so many butterflies in my stomache than I did that night. That one sleepless night when all I could do is lay there and smile and think about you. What happened? I miss you more and more with each and every day.
Love Kel. Current Mood: lonely
Dear Whoever Made The Girls The Way They Are?,
why do u make us sooo freaking emotional! i mean its very ridiculous how emotinal we get...i mean sorry girls...but do u see about 30 guys spilling out their guts in this community about how much it hurts to get their heart broken...nah cuz they are the ones breaking them cuz they are practically emotionless they dont really complain about the girls that dumped they are just o well on the next girl....if ur a guy and u actually had ur heart broken and u write about it! GOOD JOB! but us girls get so upset over the stupidest things...its not everyone but me cuz i totally know i do it all the time...i dont know im just wishing all us girls can loosen up and be like guys cuz i dont know about you girls but i dont want to cry all the time cuz of a guy...why cant the boys be emotinal and cry becuz of a girl!?!? is it all about the ego? thats the only emotion i see in guys and i dont even think its an emotion more like an image well thank you for listening
and if any of this insults anyone in the community im sorry it just came to my attention that it happens alot Current Mood: blank
I know this is hard to believe but i really hate everything about you. You have never been around a lot to know anything about me, im surprised you even know my name. When I was little the only things i remember about you are 1. you always had to "check your messages" 2. You always yelled at us and 3. you never helped my mother do anything that was related to taking care of the house or us. I was too young to be angry then about these things but now i know that when you say you need to "check your messages" it's code for you need to go smoke a cigarrette but you just dont want us to know that you've ever done a thing like that because go no it would be soooo easy to tell us the truth wouldnt it Im still scared of you because i hate being yelled at for walking the wrong way, eating the wrong way, sitting the wrong way everything to you is wrong. I dont think I ever realized how mad i was at you because when you and mom got divorced i thought it was for the best because you never came home and when you did it was only for one night because you had to "work" well divorcing you was the best thing my mother EVER did i have to say but what brought me over the edge was when you told me that i had a little sister.. first off.. it takes 9 months for a baby to be concieved, develop in the fetus, and then be born and i didnt find out that i was going to have/already had a baby sister until 7 days after she was born.. doesnt that strike you as WRONG?! couldnt you have atleast told us that you got laura pregnant and were going to have another child?! i mean you ignored us for 7 months and then wait until we are going up the driveway at your house to say that we have a sister?! do you know how much that hurts? no you dont because your father would have told you i have to say that i have no clue what it is like to look up to your father a super hero or role model because you have so terribly failed me i dont know why you think you wont fail my new sister. and to think you still call and have the nerve to say "did you forget my phone number?!" no i just choose not to invite people into my everyday life that constantly hurt me. I hate you.
(if you cant remember my name then it's not important) Current Mood: sad
i hate you. i know ur in the army and you want everyone to love you and think about you and give you all the attention you want because of it... but if you think you can go down there and fuck every girl you see, lose your best friend in the whole world cuz ur a dick, and get drunk every weekend... AND expect me to still be waiting for you when you get home, youve got another thing coming to you.
i just wanted to tell you that ive found someone else.. .someone better than you. someone who will treat me right and care about me and not just about himself.
i know you plan on suprising me at my graduation, but i honestly dont ever want to see you again. i dont want you at my graduation its my special day and you dont deserve to share it with me. i hate you so much.
this is bye forever.
dear 'sheg' -
so heres the deal.
i totally like you. and i know your whole schedule. and ive liked you since the first day of school. but yeah, we've never talked. hmmm.
and today you were standing outside during the fire drill with my friend matt...and i casually 'walked over to visit matt.' but maybe i only came for you. but we STILL didnt talk. eeeeek.
maybe you know i like you so it was uncomfortable. maybe matt told you long ago.
oh and i always catch you looking at me. and we're SO alike its unreal.
you're so sexy.
why not talk to me one day?
-me Current Mood: flirty
Does it bring a tear to your eye when you think about how horribly you treated me? i'll tell you one thing. you took my already wounded and broken heart, held it close to you, then took a sledgehammer to it. you destroyed the only thing i valued in life. i hope your happy now. Current Mood: lonely
|i just joined this community, so here it goes
i hate the way that you deal with things. you can't face the fact that nothing happened between us and now you are going and ruining the one thing that makes me happy. i like him a lot and u had to go and ruin things. it's none of your business. i wish you wouldn't have talked to mando and ruined the only thing in this world that makes me happy. i hate how just because i didn't like you,you had to ruin my happiness. it's not all about me, i know that, but i'm never happy and finally i am but you ruined it. and now he's not even talking to me. so stay outta my business forever. and leave me alone. i thought u were a tru friend but u know what? i thought wrong.
| And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
why, why, why do u have to be sooo damn nice to me when things are going wrong in my life? it would be so much easier if u just ignored me or even acted indifferent... at least i think it would. and yet, u are the one who comforts me most, u know just what to say, just how to hold me & let me cry. but when u look at me, ur eyes don't see me the same way they used to. i am only a friend now...
...this just sucks.( thou hast wounded the spirit that loved theeCollapse )( fidelisCollapse )
X post __bendnotbreak