I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
[Most Recent Entries]
Friday, April 30th, 2004
Fuck you! Dont you see that Im moving on, I dont love you anymore. You used me and threw me away and now I have found someone new. You always want me back when Im not into you.. you want what you cant have.. so fucking what.. now you have a broken heart. WELL too FUCKIN BAD.. Karma is a Big Hairy Bitch and she has been waiting for you for a year.. welcome to hell baby. Its not just Donny I have had sex with, Yes I fucked Allison, does that hurt you? GOOD. Its about time you felt your own shit back at you, and not just that, she was good at what she does, so what you dont like her.. TOO FUCKING BAD, I only told you that I hadnt because I didnt want to listen to you get angry or take the chance you'd beat the shit out of my Apt. We were broken up.. WE ARE BROKEN UP.. WE ARE OVER.. You broke my heart and told me you NEVER loved me, that you were only with me tell something better came along. I tried.. I tried to get over it.. you dont GET OVER something liek that.. you dont forget.. It never goes away. I hear those words ring in my head EVERYDAY for a year now.. FUCK YOU.. FUCK OFF.. how dare you be upset cause I have moved on. I tried to be with you.. to trust you again, even thou I knew I didnt feel the same way about you after you left me for Jessica. I tried.. cause your words sounded sincere and I hate to see you cry.. you manipulate me with your tears. I TRIED to forget.. tried to convince myself that someday.. SOMEDAY I MIGHT
love you again.. told myself that all I needed was time and that you were serious and that you loved me and then you cheated again.. how dare you ask me to give you YET another try. I cant.. I wont.. I dont feel the same for you anymore.. You are lucky Im trying to be friends with you.. you cheated on me too many times.. hurt me with your words.. went OUT OF YOUR WAY to hurt me even. Well it worked.. now face the hand you dealt yourself. I care for Sarah.. and I am beginning to worry that you are going to ruin that.. You are becoming a problem in my life.. and its not your place.. Im sorry your hurting, im sorry your jealous.. but there is nothing I can do that will ease your pain and still make me happy. I am not happy with you.. I dont think I will ever be again.. I am trying to be your friend.. but you pushing me to try to get back with you.. you always asking.. begging.. putting me into these positions is getting to me. You need to stop, or we cant be arounf each other. We wont be together again.. not as far as im concerned. Lately you are putting out a lot of effort.. I appreciate that but its TOO LATE for that. I have tried and tried to explain it to you... but you dont seem to GET IT. NO. I. AM. MY. OWN. PERSON. NOW. DEAL. WITH. IT. OR. LEAVE. ME. THE. FUCK. ALONE. BE. A. REAL. FRIEND. OR. FUCK. OFF.
love your bitter ex. Current Mood: annoyed
you make me oh so happy
now that we are broken
up. now i know who i truly
am... i was never really
ment to be your girl-friend,
lover, friend, fiance, wife
or even soul-mate. thank you
for tearing my heart into
the boy of my dreams will
be more of a man then you
will ever hope to be.
I'm so sorry. Really I am. I...I didn't really mean to hurt you. I was frustrated. I didn't think before I acted. I'm really really sorry. And I know I already apologized to you, but "You should be" isn't the right response. It made me feel more guilty, and when I told you you said "That's the point." And yet you were smiling at me and you hugged me. And you said "Well...I'll see you some other time I guess." But I can't believe you left. You left because I hurt you. I'm really really sorry. I was walking home from waiting for your parents with you and I bit my lip so hard it started to bleed. I'm really really sorry. I'm sorry for so many things. I was being such a bitch today and I'm so sorry. Last time I really hurt someone, or felt like I really hurt someone, I broke down. I'm not letting myself this time, but I feel like I'm about to. I'm so so sorry. I wish there was a way to express to you how sorry I really am. I know you knew I really was sorry...but it doesn't seem like enough. I can't believe you left because I hurt you. I'm really sorry. I promise I'll never hurt you again. I swear. And you kept throwing in my face the fact that last time I saw you I scratched you and broke the skin. And I apologized for that again too. I'm really sorry. I really like you. As a friend of course. And I'm sorry, and even though you deserve it sometimes, I'm sorry for hurting you. Well. I think I've repeated myself enough for one night. I just wish I could actually tell you how sorry I actually am about the whole thing.
-Girl Current Mood: distressed
When did everything get so confusing?
I told you he's not my boyfriend. You asked if I want him to be. I told you No. I didn't tell you the reasoning.
I like him.
I love you.
And because of college I'll be leaving in a few months. If there was any one person I want to spend the majority of that time with, it is you. hands down. no questions. (it's easier knowing your sister lives where I'm going)
I am terrified to ask how you feel about all of this. Hurting you was never my intention--if it had been I would have done it a long time ago--and if anything we're even now. But I don't know if I really want to know how you want things to turn out. Getting back together would wind up being the most intense, serious, fun thing, at least in my perspective, but when I leave you'll still be here, with the same people, in the same house, the same city, the same beach parks open until 11. If you were to tell me "No, Never", my heart would die for a while. But if you were to say "yes, now"... the feeling would be incomprable.
I loved wednesday night. So whatthat you're not the one person who makes sense anymore; you make my life beautiful, even when it's sad, or complicated, or confusing, and my loneliness melts with the sound of your voice and the smell of your skin.
All I really want is you.