April 23rd, 2004


(no subject)

Dear Jamee

You really upset me today. I thought we had ended the idea that my music is your music, I thought you were mature enough to realize that it's not, but today proved otherwise.
It always bothered me when you would start playing my solo piece along with me. It would have been one thing if it was a school song, but it wasn't, and you really had no right to play it then. It also bothered me when you would take my music off my stand to play it. Even if it wasn't what I was playing at that time, it was still my music.
The thing I hate the most, though, is when you play stuff out of my book.Collapse )

I thought things were okay between us, and I thought we were friends, but you still treat me as if I'm yours to do what you want with. My music is my music, not yours, and it never will be yours. Grow up and learn some etiquette and maybe some manners. You're going to fail as a music teacher unless you do.

You're co-oboist,

Dear David

Yesterday I waited after school until I had to leave to see if you would come online. I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out, because from what I've got to know of you I like you, and I'd like to spend some time with you. I know you were out with friends, but the fact that Jamee was among them made me really upset. It's not your fault, but I felt as if you betrayed me, although I'm not being fair to you because you don't know anything about Jamee and my relationship.

The real issue here is that I feel that ever since you found out I'm a sophomore and that I have a boyfriend you've avoided me. Before you knew about Matt you would IM me, and we'd talk all night until I was too tired to see the screen. Now, I felt like since I'm "taken" you don't want to talk to me at all anymore. Maybe this isn't the case, but it seems like it, and I don't think that's fair to me.

Now I'm afraid that Jamee, being the two-faced person she is, told you a lot of crap about me. I'd like to let you in on a little secret, we hate each other. She talks crap about me, and me about her. The thing is, most of what I say is true. Even her friends say she's spoiled, because she is. She likes attention, and gets mad when someone else gets more than her. She has a new boyfriend or crush every other week, and complains too much about them.

This is a side of me you've never seen before. I can be immature, and ignorant, and selfish; but I realize it. I think this problem is more me than you, but I thought you could understand me... that's why I'm writing this. I know that I can be these things, and that's what makes me mature. Rather than writing this in my LJ and starting a fuss, I'm ranting here. Maybe I'll send this to you, or maybe if we ever talk again I'll just tell you - the adult way. But either way, I see myself as a better person than Jamee, and quite frankly, I'm jealous that you spent time with her and not me.

Your friend(?),



i dont understand you. i know what they say, about telling your true friends from the fakes. you always say you care and you love me or w/e. but it sucks when you talk about all your little plans in front of me every fricken day, about how your going to the movies and then to so and so's house and whatever else you'll be doing with eachother all weekend. i know im not the only one your not inviting, but it still hurts. just knowing that i'll be going home, doing nothing and thinking about how your out having fun. even if your not going to invite me, its not really that, just dont talk about all your plans in front of me..@ least that way i dont have to know. thanks.

  • Current Mood
    crushed crushed

(no subject)


What do you want me to tell you? You want the truth? Do you want honesty? Well then here it is...

I started this whole thing because I wanted some way to be around you after prom, I wanted to spend more time with you. but when you asked what we were doing I can't just say that. I can't tell you that I wanted you to come over so that we could do more of what happened the other night or perhaps new years or anything funnish like that. I didn't have the strength to tell you the truth so instead I lied and I lied again and it ended up screwing me over.

yep I did this to myself and it hurts a lot, but I can't stop it. I kinda figured this wasn't going to all work out after all nothing usually does when I plan it. Sometiems it gets so hard to always guess what you want to hear or want me to do that I give up trying. Tonight was one of those nights I didn't ahve the strength to tell you honestly what i thought and I slipped back into what i used to do. trying to make everything okay in your mind.

I guess in those times where my world seems so twisted I lean on making others happy. And when that fails I completely  fall apart.

with all my heart, and all my honestly,


i'm not...

(no subject)


with everything i posess i love you, my heart beats for you and every day i find the beatings getting softer little by little, piece by piece i fall apart for you, and still i wait for you to tell me that you can't live without me there is no way i will ever be able to express myself so you will see just how i feel for you.



  • Current Mood
    loved in love

(no subject)

Dear me-

Get a life.
And stop being so damn picky.
For once, give someone a shot.
and stop getting crushes only on guys that are "unattainable" and therefore "safe"

"You mean she would rather imagine herself relating to an absent person than build relationships with those around her?"

<3 the lonely girl who loves the movie Amelie too much

(no subject)

Maybe it's just that I can't feel anything anymore. But all my pain. All my happiness. Is fading away. I am just in a nuetral stae. But I still have thing lingering emotion. My love, it still burns but it wont last forever. I don't know why you make me feel so happy, but are only leading me on the whole time. You have numbed me. I can't feel anything anymore. I resent you as much as I love you. I can't even bring myself to care about my friends anymore. Not like they ever did anything for me. They stood by me. None of them ever knew about you. They never bothered to ask me. I was just another ear for them. Now I am alone. You don't even love me anymore. Did you ever even love me? I looked up to you so much. I told you everything I felt. You told me I was a tool and turned your back on me. Now I am alone. No one left. Nothing for me. I know I will move on. But thin lingering pain just doesn't want to subside. I keep telling myself to just find someone else. But I can't let go of this hope that you'll change for me. Maybe I'm just a hopeselss dreamer.