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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Tuesday, April 20th, 2004

Time Event
10:39a
ronnie,

You always wonder why people try to ruin your life.,.maybe its cause you think your a perfect person..so you think your all that..you thought that you were bad ass..yes i did once love you...but you left me for someone who isnt going to love you..she really isnt..she never will..but if she ever does..then have a happy life..you got a hot girlfriend now..thats all you wanted..but i hope that when you screw her..i hope realize that i was sooo much better to you than she will ever be..

Current Mood: geeky
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11:02a
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4:21p
Dear Danny,

Thank you for making me not want to care anymore. The rage inside of me is building up an ice wall around my heart thanks to you. You will never understand. Never, and I hate you for that. I hate you for not caring, for not knowing, for making me want to pull out my hair..all over you. The love had officially drained from me, given to you in boxes with satin and bows, yet you always turn the delivery away, and I stay empty now. Thanks for absolutely turning my life upside down, and making me scared ever to love again.

Dear God,
I give up. You win. You've accomplished your goal of 'ruining everything in Nathalie's life even though all she'll ever want is to be happy'. I love and cherish what I have yet you manage to slip them all away from me. I won't ever open up to anyone ever again. I won't ever try to care. You've absolutely wasted all the love you gave me at birth...and now it's gone. I know you have billions and billions of people to listen to you but it seems like the money-hungry-lords' prayers are being answered before mine...and all I want is happiness. I'm sorry I can't be patient anymore. it's been almost 2 years since everything began to unravel. I'm waving the white flag. Call me when you get around to answering my prayers.

Love, Nathalie
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4:38p

dear ****,

there once was a time when you said you loved me. looked at me as if you couldnt see me every second of every day you'd die. all i think about is you, when you go off campus to get high, when im in all my classes, when im sitting there looking right at you, while talking to freiends, YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT!

I LOVE YOU, GOT IT?

I..............LOVE...............YOU

YOU STUPID MORON

oh right,

then theres ashley, well if she hasnt spoken to you in how long? then im guessing shes not coming back! oh and sure, have people come up to me and say, "he loves you but he doesn't want a gf"

OH THATS GREAT, MIGHT AS WELL JUST FREAKING RIP MY HEART OUT (I'LL DIE FASTER) BUT THATS WHAT YOU WANT ISNT IT, MAKE ME SUFFER THEN ALLOW ME TO HEAR THE ONE THING THAT WILL ONLY KILL ME MORE!

 

and yet i still main attached, loves a bitch aint it?



Current Mood: pissed off
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8:04p
Bad movies on sunny afternoons.. All the memories of my older bro.. My hero.....
My brother,

I still remember it all.

You were my hero. I looked up to you so much. You were my religious leader, I followed you in your love for God. You showed me His way. I followed you in your music choices. Remember.. We were into Blink before anyone else, before they were popular, when Buddah and Cheshire Cat first came out? We thought we were so cool.

Then.. You became you. You grew up. I didn't. I still follow you in your music choices. How could I not; you showed me jazz. But you're forcing me to grow. I cannot follow you in religion, not when you betrayed the God that gave you everything you have today. I can't follow your grades, not when you're so, so smart.. Yet failing. Your friends are assholes. You've become an asshole. You say this is you.. But I don't remember you like this. I looked up to you. Can I anymore?

I was sick. I begged you for McD's, I needed ice-cream for my throat. You bought it for me, and through your teasing, showed your love. Later that day.. You punched Luke, your own brother, in the face. How can I have respect for you when you have no respect for anyone else?

You treat them all like crap.. Every one of them. Except me.

I'll keep you in my prayers.. That you'll find your way, and the God that can help you. That you'll fix yourself. In the meantime... I won't see you anymore.

You did this to yourself. And you have no idea how much it hurts me, how much I've cried.

Goodbye...

Current Mood: crushed
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9:32p
I promise
Dear -------,

Do you think I took 4000 milligrams for myself? You watched me shake. I was in the arms of my friend. You were the one that I wanted there, but you weren't. You watched me cry, you walked up to me. You wiped away my tears.

Why do you tourture me like that?!? You know I like you, you know what you mean to me!! You are just there to make me like you more, and then turn me down. You just want to know that I am there if you decide you want me.

Fuck you! How can I love you? I hate you so much. I know that I don't. The way I feel about you is just one big contradiction. I don't know how I feel, but I know what I want. What I want is you.

Love you always,
Jessica

P.S. I will keep my promise to you... I swear. I swear on my love for you I will keep my promise.

Current Mood: depressed
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10:29p
**shrug**
Just joined...feel like ranting about some stuff...I'm not going to make you all read it, it's going under an LJ cut... Letter-y thingsCollapse )

Current Mood: contemplative
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