April 15th, 2004


I could get used to this...

Mike & Nana:

I know I'm disgustingly melodramatic, but I'm not even dumb enough to ask the school guidance to call you down...it was his idea. I begged him not to. He wouldn't listen. He felt it was the best way.

Well, I knew that was gonna blow up in my face, which is part of the reason I didn't want him to do it.

If you guys want to date, go for it. But that doesn't mean you can't talk to me. I don't know if that's it or not, and I know its not ALL of it.

I know I annoy you, Mike; I know I'm too clingy. Nana, I know it feels like everything you say goes in one ear and out the other...but I really hear what you're saying. You know what its like not to have people talk to you, so why are you putting me through it?

It kills me. Hell, maybe it really will.

But probably not. I know I have other friends. But how can I just lose two of them, and for no good reason?

I know that I'll never be close to either of you the way you two are close to each other. I'll get over it. Who cares.

You know what? I think you guys DONT' right now. It hurts.

How can you say you were ever my friends if you won't even take under consideration what I'm going through? How am I sure that you were? What if all the insane things I've thought in the past are true? It breaks my heart...

I just KNEW that that meeting would make things worse. Didn't you see me? I was shaking, ripping paper, crying, hiding my face, tugging my ear, rubbing my forehead and lips; I was a nervous wreck, because I knew you two would hate it and I knew it would just make things worse.

I know I'm not the only victim, h ere, but you guys like don't care about me anymore, and that sucks. And if you DO, it sure doesn't feel like it.

This is the irrational part of me if one of you guys actually happens to see this. Its all biased and one sided, not reality, I hope.

Goodbye forever, I suppose, guys...
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