I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
[Most Recent Entries]
Wednesday, April 14th, 2004
|Dear ******* *****
Hey, It's been awhile since we talked like friends. And I wanna know why we stopped being friends what made us hate eachother. I feel like the only reason I hate you is becuase you hate me. And that's not right. I mean I know why you got mad at me, but me and ******** and ****** and ******* are friends now, and I guess I'm just waiting for us to come to terms. I miss your loudness and craziness. You were fun to hang out with. I mean c'mon remember playing my broken guitar and singing songs about my grammas pool table bed?
I hate feeling your hate glare in class, i feel so bad. Maybe I'm mistaken and I did something I didn't realize made you mad. Sorry.
|words that i can't say...
To whom it my concern.
Hey you. I know that it seems like the feelings are still there. But there not. Do you remember the time you told me you liked me? But you also had feelings for someone else? And when all of the sudden they don’t feel the same about you its ok to like me “all the way”. I take that as a slap in the face. And it’s NOT ok. You think sweet talk and warm hugs can just fix things? They can’t. Not in my book anyway.
Dear friend who is to blind to see.
He’s an ass. Ditch the loser. I know you hear it so many times form me but hen will you realize that someone who “Loves” you will never treat you the way he does.
with love and hugs Current Mood: confused
At first because of all the things that weve been through..I thought you would love me more than anything..I never thought that you would leave me..But you did..You had to go and mess everything up..First i thought i wasnt going to be able to make it without you..but i found someone new..He likes me a lot more than you used to..I thought you were the only thing that could keep me alive..But i soon realized, that you were the one who killed my soul and tore it up..I dont love you anymore..Your just an asshole..Maybe we could be friends some day..but i wouldnt count on it..
Have a nice life...
*Alecia* Current Mood: creative
do you want to run away together? do you think we could call it a kidnapping? i hate it here. i hate everyone here except you. and perhaps my grandparents. but i'd gladly call them everyday so that they would know i'm okay. we could steal a car. or a bus. and it would only be you and me. we could go to louisiana and then to california. and we could live there. and i would somehow finish my education, or maybe i would become a famous writer or a movie star. you could start your music career. we would be famous. and we would be on tv. and then our parents and friends would understand why. and maybe if i sent mom and dad a check every so often, they would be okay with the fact that i didn't go to college. and i could get off this fucking medication. maybe then i'd be happy. maybe then we'd be happy.
i really want this. kidnap me.
I can't believe what you just sprung on me. You're moving to Reno by next Sunday.. God. What do you say to that? Honestly, I can't think of the words. And I should be able to, I'm the writer! Your parents don't know what's best for you. Normally I won't judge someone's parenting methods, but I know you better, know what you like and don't like, what hurts and what it feels like to hurt. I know you so much more than they do, but they're your parents and they have "authority" over your life for another four years. You won't even be here for your birthday. I might only see you one more time. If I could, I'd kidnap you and we could run away. Far from your parents, airplanes, Bishop-whatever the Catholic school, and as far away as possible from your misery. I'll probably never send this letter, it makes me feel so helpless just thinking that you're being taken away from all of us to somewhere I know you don't want to go. I don't want you to see just how hopeless it all is. There's nothing we can do. Just keep on living, and in four years you'll turn eighteen, I guess. You can leave that day if you want to, there's always an extra bed for you at my house, you know that. Just... take care of yourself. I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, but I still worry. Don't do anything stupid, okay. Because I'm here and I care so much about you I don't know that you'll ever know. You're so important to me it's that level of love that you can't explain with words. You're one of my best friends and you understand me. And I like to think I understand at least a few things about you. Maybe I wasn't the best candidate for a friend for you those two years ago, I'm somewhat of a fuck-up, but I'm here now and I'm not going away. Your parents could move you to Asia and I'd still do everything to keep you happy. You have my number, you can call me at any time, including five o'clock in the morning. And whenever you can, feel free to come visit me, we already know my mom wouldn't mind a bit. I don't know what else to say; some things can't be put into words. Just stay safe. Okay?
|you can tell me how vile i already know i am
i miss you. you broke my heart but i miss you. i miss the security of you. i miss your smile &the way you would just kinda appear next to me when i was sad &you'd hug me until i felt better &could face the world again. i miss the fights we had. i miss lying on you 'til i fell asleep.
what happened to make it go so wrong? why did you try so hard to end something that had lasted so long &then take it back? why did you have to leave me? you make me cry without being near me.
i miss you. i've had this song on all night, it reminds me of you.
i'm sorry for what i did, if i did anything.
my ♥ always
zoe x Current Mood: sad
|another letter that won't be sent
i love the way you barely talk to me anymore because of your girlfriend. and the way she has you so whipped and you don't even see it. i'd be lying if i told you that. but what i do love, is the way i see you sometimes, and when that happens you stop me to talk. even if it is only once a month. i love the way you talk to me. and i love looking into your eyes when we really do talk. i hate how you haven't called me in soo long. i hate how we don't hang out anymore because she is catching on that i like you. i love the way you could see past me. but it wasn't me that you saw past. it was the me i wanted everyone to see. i loved the way you would look past my smiles and ask me what was wrong. and when i said nothing you would simply say "you lie" and leave it at that. i love the way you sa my smiles as tears. i love how you would tell me i was too beautiful to cry. i love how i found a poem you wrote about me. but i never told you i saw it. even though you thought i did. and ever since then, i barely talk to you. i love the way you always knew when there was something wrong, and instead of just pretending like i was you would ask me what was wrong, even after i told you it was nothing. i love how you cared, and how you saw me for me. i love how you understood me, even more than some of my closest friends. i hate that everyone sees you more than me. and i hate that i'm too scared to tell you how i feel about you. i hate how your girlfriend hates me, even though she doesn't know me. but i guess that's how it is supposed to be. she should hate me, for having feelings for you. i hate how the last time i saw you was weeks ago. and even then i merely saw you for a few minutes. i hate how we never hang out anymore. i hate how everything seems like it was just a quick little thing. i hate how i won't pick up the phone and call you. i wish i had the strength to do so. i wish i could send this to you. but i know i won't. i wish you could somehow see this, without me having to show it to you. i hate the way i could go on forever about you, and never stop talking. i hate how i fell so hard and i know nothing will ever happen. i hate how i feel like you hate everything about me, when so many people told me you had feelings for me, the way i had feelings for you. i hate the way no one will ever see this. and i hate how everything ended after january. i hate the way i listen to music and think of you. and how everytime the phone rings i wish it would be you. i hate how i look out my window hoping to see a white car pull up my street. i hate how i feel about you. i hate how i can cry just thinking about you. but i love how, when i see you, you brighten my day. with love,
kt..i don't care much, go or stay
i don't care very much either way... Current Mood: crushed