I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
[Most Recent Entries]
Sunday, April 11th, 2004
well. i have finally gotten over you. i pride myself in that. and i have truly moved on. i love you forever, but not like before.
me. Current Mood: content
to whoever's in charge of these matters:
why have you doomed me to be utterly and eternally dateless?? am i really that vile?
me [the loneliest girl ever] Current Mood: depressed
I thought you were something special. I actually began to feel butterflies whenever I was around you... but you've changed and I dont think I like what you've become. You told me to call you today but instead I told you to call me because you never call me anymore, I always do all the work. So the least you could have done is call me. I'm not wrapped around your finger, as much as I'd like to be. I hate feeling this way. I hate the games you make me play and all your words that don't match your actions. I'm getting sick of you. I'm thisclose to forgetting you. I just hope you come around before I do it.
You knock me flat sometimes.
A Denny's mug as a birthday present is the coolest/sweetest thing ever. No one would ever guess all that it means in my mind: the cherry hot chocolate you got me hooked on, us noticing that on the menu the mugs all have the Denny's logo on them, but most of the ones they use don't and turning it into a game of "who got the lucky Denny's mug?" everytime Kim or Mark brought refills, us hanging out at Denny's so often and becoming oddly comfortable with each other in a very short amount of time.
Its almost irrational how happy you've been making me just by being around. All day today I was anticipating the few second when you'd come to the door and I'd have to answer it, knowing that it would be your first time in my house and would mean I wouldn't have to go another entire weekend without seeing you; those weekends seem so odd now and it's only been a few weeks just hanging out with you. It can really only get better from here and I can't wait.
To the person that let me down.
Four years ago, the truth came out. This thing that had been going on for 3 years. In front of our faces. At the time I didn't know how I was meant to handle it. I followed my mums decision, she was going to stay with you. Being only 14, I knew that my opinion didn't count. And until now, I've been blind to what you did, the arguments that you cuased. The fucking pain that I went through, thinking that the person that I was meant to trust had done things that even I knew were wrong. Why now? Why 4 years later is this being dragged up again? Why the fuck won't my head leave it alone. Why? It's becuase i feel our relationship is crap some of the time. When I've got a problem, you get up and walk out with the paper, while my mum sits there and talks to me about it. This feeling that your sometimes there, but sometimes your just away in your own world.
I remember the day that I thought you were going to kill yourself. How scared I was that an argument that the whole family had had caused you to walk out and now come back until we went to find you. The only reason my mum said 'Do you want to go and find him?' Was because I had come down the stairs, blind with tears asking for the assurance that 'He won't do anything stupid will he?' Fuck that. How the fuck am I meant to cope with that. I didn't. I put it to the back off my mind and thought that as long as there were'nt any arguments then everything was okay. Now that things are okay, I've relised I'm not. And I've no idea what to do about it. Thanks for that.
Hey. What's up? Not much over here, I've just been thinking. I know Jordan let you read that letter, and I really hope you didn't get freaked out. I was just caught up in the moment, and she wasn't supposed to show you it anyway. On Friday when we talked on the phone for 3 1/2 hours, I felt like we really connected. We have so much in common. But before I get started, I need to know how you feel. You never told me how you felt about it. What about Zoie? I want to know what's the deal with you and her. Is it just a thing with your friends trying to hook you up, or do you like her? Because whenever someone says something about her, you don't seem too excited. I just want to know, is there ever a chance for us to be together? I know you probably want to get to know me better first, and that's fine, because I want to get to know you too. Just know that I look forward to fourth period every day because I get to talk to you :) So please write back and tell me how you feel.
-Ciera Current Mood: anxious
I had a dream about you last night, and everything felt too real. I could fell your touch and kiss everything, but it was just a dream, and even though it was the best dream in my life it was also the worse because when I woke up I knew it never happened and that I wont ever feel that in real life (probably).
I know you still love me, and I still love you also even if I deny it. I’m scared to have these feelings because they are too strong and I want to be control of my life and not feelings for someone control me. I am stubborn and my pride is huge. I wish I could change it, to save us and bring us back together again, but in my heart I know I will probably hurt you again.
I have a feeling your getting over me now, which is wonderful. For you. I guess I am selfish because it seems I don’t want you but I don’t want anyone else to have you. I guess its time I either be with you or let you go on with your life. I know in my heart that you would be better without me but maybe one day it will change, and you will be there that one day.
Catherine Current Mood: blank
so me and Steven were texting each other again.HAHAHA. god i wish i could see you right now.
i'm pretty sure there is no possible way you could look like shit.
nope. i don't believe you. i still think you'd look beautiful.
and i like you.
♥♥♥happy easter everyone!!
Dear Danny [as usual],
..those simple words between us. they fuel my flickering hope. were you :shockingly: trying to act as a gentleman? or did you really wish me to be happy? I'm gussing the first...no matter how hard it is to believe...but at least it means you actually listen to my ramblings..as i to yours. I remember when you said "hehe i rememba talkin 2 u on christmas mornin....u were like the only person online lololol...omggg...good timess" [yes those were your exact words..i save all my conversations]. The sad thing is...I didn't remember..as much as I had wanted to that exact moment. I do remember February 13, 2003, when you said 'let's just be friends'. I remember July 4, 2004, where I had the best day of my life..just being with you. I remember December 5, 2003, when you guided me through your world. I remember March 25, 2004, when you wished you could have kissed me. I remember March 28, 2004, when I told you I loved you. I remember March 30, when we stopped talking...all because of your guilt and my love..my love of you to be happy.
So I once again sit here, wondering whether we have a future. But those two simple words, whether they be of kindness, sympathy, desire, or just plain apology..my hope begins to wake again and flutter teh beating of my heart.