April 10th, 2004

(no subject)

man this is one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. me and Steven were talking on our cells through text messaging this morning. i didn't know it was gonna end up like this.

Haha. you know what? this week you and me are gonna go on a date, okay?

Sweet. i don't know what it is about you, but i really like you.

Well this is better than i hoped. usually girls just say they wanna be friends. not same here. i like this

oh man was i smiling. yeah, it is better than i had hoped too!! man. woo hoo.

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(no subject)


sometimes i wonder what your life would be like without me. if you would be seeing anyone. if you would be happier. you tell me everyday that i'm your favorite and that you love me, and goddamn, you know the feeling's mutual. i'm just tired of being a little girl. especially around your friends. i know you say i'm mature and your friends agree, but i still feel left out. and kind of really dumb. a lot of times i'm jealous, even when i have no grounds to be. you have friends that are girls that you've had forever and a day. i just don't want to lose you, and i don't want them to fall in love with you. and vice versa. i guess i'm being selfish, by not wanting you to give them hugs and to tell them they're beautiful and to care about them. and i know that's not right, and i don't really want that. i just feel sick. and i can't help it. i want nothing more than for you to be happy. i think, sometimes, i'm holding you back. i think that i don't mentally stimulate you enough. i think we should just stop with the physical stuff, not because i don't like it, but just because i love you and want to feel intelligent. i'm driving myself crazy trying to be good enough for you, but i'll never be. i love you. iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou.

and i'd give up forever to touch you...


(no subject)

mom and dad,

you suck. i hate you sometimes. i try really hard to get along with you, but then you just fuck it up. well, i'm tired of trying and still getting bitched at. i'm through.

fuck off.

linds-last night a dj saved my life

(no subject)

Dear Danny,

i deleted that picture of you two. i cant look at the way you hold her, and i'm happy she screwed up. i'm happy you don't want her. but karma smacked me in the face because you still won't speak to me..you won't speak to me because of HER..because you felt guilty about thinking of me...because i cared for you...because i LOVED you.

she screwed it up once again. i remember. it was july, i was a dork, and you were with her. now we are the closest of friends and i only thought about you every second, and she came again. right after i said 'i love you'. and then you were happy..yet confused. you were always complaining about how much NOBODY loved you and now you had 2 who did with all their hearts. and then you lied to me, and i'm guessing you lied to her. but obviously she had taken you 1st and you then decided to cast me away as to no communication whatsoever.

i still can't believe you did that. and y'know what? i know you are alone. i know you need me..you need the way i listened every minute and never compalined about you never listening to me..the way i always gave you my shoulder to cry on even when you never even told anyone about the hours we talked each day. and now you are too 'manly' as to ask for my help again. and i won't give in. i was afraid about getting hurt so badly that i never revealed my truth. but as teh truth came out..so did everything. the skeletons in your closet and the cobwebs that surrounded them. you two were still talking. she was in love with you. and you fell under her spell again....and once again refused my call.

now we are back at square one. you two are split, shes hurt, and you are lonely. i am still the girl watching in the distance. we all learn from history, for it repeats itself constantly..so accurately. i hope thsi vicious cycle ends soon.

and now..what do i do? i run..run faster, farther. away from my problems yet facing them as it makes me stronger. you were the one that guided me to run and now it comes in handy. and when i feel that pain, i hear those voices, and my eyes lay upon your face....i will keep going...and maybe you'll congratulate me at the finish.

as always..
love, nathalie

(no subject)

dear J,

did you think you could admit what you did, and still expect me to welcome you home with open arms? you were wrong. ive wasted two years of my life on you. i did everything for you. and you did nothing for me. you did nothing.

i have a lot going for me now. i am going to college in 4 months and i think its about time i said goodbye to you and moved on. i know you are going to be here next month but i dont even want to see you. i dont want to talk to you. i dont even want to think about you. this is my goodbye... and i will never think of you in that way again.