I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
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Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
i say shes so pretty. and you agree. but you say we're complete opposites, what the hell is that supposed to mean!? like i dont have enough self esteem issues. i dont understand what you say. but i dont have much of a response to it at first. its when we stop talking that i have time to think. then i uncover the ludicrousness of all this. and i hate it. with every fiber of my being, i hate it. why does this happen time and time again? you are supposed to be my best friend. do i really mean nothing to you? you say you love me more than anything. what the hell is it all supposed to mean. im so confused. Current Mood: pissed off
|<*>I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away<*>
<3 Dear _____ <3
It's not really you that I'm so upset with....it's mostly the fact that I am mad with myself, for letting me get so depressed about things. And I think rather than trying to help the problem, I blame others that I care about, just becuause they don't show any interest in me. Truthfully, it seems so hard to explain my emotions and problems, when all the while, I myself am confused in all of this. It doesnt matter how many times and how many people tell me i just have to wait for "my time," because with the way im feeling as being almost 17 and NEVER had a boyfriend, well...it feels as if it will never come... I think its hard for many people to realize how much it hurts never having the feeling of someone who cares about the littlest things with/about you, and someone to hold you, unless they are experiencing it themselves. Of course, you being the only guy i have even the slightest chance with, lives 3 1/2 hours away... and although you say you have feelings for me, it just doesnt seem that you truly care all that much. I'm not asking you to break up with her, I just wish you wouldn't put me in the middle of your feelings, because you know you can't have both of us, and I feel like you pull me around by a string, leading me on to something that I'm not even sure can happen. But i dont know...im so confused with things right now. And although my heart hasnt litterally been through much....it still feels like its has a big hole in it somewhere. I often find myself asking, who loves me? and who could i ever be with? These are two very depressing questions...that i dont know the answers to, and not knowing them hurts even more, it just feels like there is always this huge weight on my heart, that could simply be removed if you would just let me in... All in all, I just hope that I dont feel this way forever...because it seems to me like i cant hold on much longer.....
<3 elyse <3 Current Mood: sad
you really don't care if i like your friend?
but this is the 2nd friend of yours that i've liked.
the last time i dated a friend of yours, you hate me.
i don't want you to hate me again, i think you're a good friend.
please don't hurt me if me and Him do work out.
Merced Current Mood: content
if i had energy, I would respond to my brothers letter and respond to my biological mother's letter that she wrote to me when she gave me away.
sorry for not updating, but exams are going on and I just had a game today so I so drained.
Once I drink my red bull, or get the energy then I will most defiantly write them
oh, and i'm already sick of my journal. does anybody want to set it up for me and make it look nice. I would love you forever and a day after that. thanks!!
|I'd surely walk away if I wasn't such a sucker for you...
I'm so worried about being psycho. I don't want to be a super jealous freako bitch girlfriend; that's the last thing in the world that I want.
I don't mean to be jealous. All I want is for you to be happy. I just need you to tell me what that entails. If it doesn't include me, that's fine. I just want to know.
Maybe she's more right for you. She hangs out with your friends, she is more outgoing, she's probably more of what you need. And that's fine with me.
It just sucks because I can only get myself up in the morning by thinking of you. And it sucks that I gave up someone I cared about deeply so I could be with you.
It sucks because I thought I was falling in love with you.
Love, Mic Current Mood: crushed
|YES WOO HOO
steven: yea but i had some girls do some reacon for me and they said she really wanted to go with me
me: i see
steven: but im not a good dancer and i dont ever kno where the parties are that she would like to go to are
me: well i think she does want to, cause if i were her, i'd want to
me: who cares. i can't dance for shit
me: and i listen to country all day long
steven: damn wish i woulda known that
me: known what?
steven: that u woulda liked to go and that u cant dance
steven: thats perfect
steven: i woulda asked u but i didnt think ud wanna go
steven: so i didnt
me: i see
me: wel i woulda said yes
me: even though i'm not a big fan of dances
me: i only been to two
steven: u should tell me these things
me: but its senior ball, so you gotta go
steven: :-)oh yes. Current Mood: loved