I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
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Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
You guys where awesome last night. I was happy to be there and support you. You're carries are really taking off. I was happy to meet and spend time with you girl friend. Who by the way was hot. I don't like you right now. But I can assure you next year I will. Right now though you are like my big bro. I'm glad you're tursting me again. Last year I was just to naieveto handle all the things you told me. But now I'd jsut be like you're such a loser. I wan't to tel you secrets, but I don't know if I canI just want to know if you became famous would we still be friends?
I feel absolutely awful about everything with me and E and all the other people who got involved and just invited themselves into your personal life. I'm glad to say that J and I are trying to step back, although I find it really frustrating that I've liked you for so long and you don't like me back. E had her chance and she
broke up with you. But I don't know, there's just something special about you that makes me all nervous-fluttery and happy and calm. I hope things change between us, in a good way.
And what makes everything even worse is the pressure being put on you by crazed teenage girls to choose between E and I. Because, honestly, you have a girlfriend. And maybe everyone's just forgotten about her. Maybe you have, too. It sort of seems like it.
Oh, and another bad thing. The fact that my best friend is flirting with you non-stop is not
helping the situation and I've been seeing this constant trend of little flirtatious movements and words and gestures and it's just really making me feel like a helpless freak because she's my fucking best friend and she always talks about how she talks to you online. And maybe I'm jealous, but I shouldn't be, because it was my choice to give up AIM for Lent and sacrifice my chances of talking to you for a full 40 days.
Life sucks. I hope yours doesn't.
|Do you notice, I'm gone?
Have you ever noticed that people's accomplishments and good qualites usually go unnoticed until after they are gone? Current Mood: cold
Question: How do you deal with the fact that you are a role model to many young girls?
Kelly: "I think that's cool. I used to try to be perfect and not make mistakes because I know my little nieces and girls across the world look up to me. But it's not about being perfect, just being yourself. I'm just me. I think that's the best example I can give to them. "
I've come to this new found relevation that in all my love for Kelly, what I love most has nothing to do with her singing, her looks, or even her personality. I love Kelly most, because she doesn't want anyone to want to be her, she wants them to be themselves. She doesn't want to achieve perfection. She wants to be the best her. Not The
best. Her best. And looking up to her, I don't feel like I have to be perfect. I just have to be me, the real me. She makes living out dreams a possibility for everyone.
I'm new... and this is a letter to an old friend.
Remember when we would talk about everything. I know everything about you, from your middle name to your dirty little secrets. But I was a good friend and I never told any one. I was your best friend. I fell in love with you. But I wasn't the only one, was I? You said to me that you loved me. But you just couldn't break her heart, you couldn't see her in pain. It just wouldn't be fair for her. So, I let it be. And you made me beg for months only to break me. But I was still there for you. You wrote some words that once were sang, and then you left. And I cried. I cried for you. Because you needed her to be happy and you knew there was nothing I could do, so... I did nothing. And you promised me that she wouldn't be around for long, but she was. And yet again, I did nothing. I believed you, I loved you. She stayed forever it seemed. And when she left- who was there. Me, I was always there. I was your best friend. But you didn't want me any longer. We could still be friends, though. But... Why? It seemed like I always did the work. I was always cheering you up, When i was crying. I was always there for you, as you walked on alone. I'm sorry this was all my fault. I've been meaning to tell you, but I know it's the last thing you want to hear. You are happy now. And that's all I ever really wanted... But that doesn't mean I can't miss you.
Jessica Current Mood: calm