I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
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Saturday, March 20th, 2004
What do you want from me? How much longer do you want me here? Should I leave? Your friends tell me I should, your eyes they tell me I shouldnt...I cant say i could honestly leave, stop waiting because i would just be waiting silently, without telling anyone but still hoping for the day you come around...I thought you came around, a while ago of course but that shouldnt matter, you were only around for a week or two and things trailed off not completely back but less, were you hiding what we had from everyone so you could keep on living how you always had? is that what youre doing now? hiding and living your life without change? I guess I could never have meant as much to you as you mean to me, but i thought we had something, everynight i feel we do and the next day its gone... It makes me wonder was i silly to believe you would do anything? Were our talks of being together your way to keep me hanging around incase you got bored? Bored with all your girls from all the areas...maybe you dont have them, but I think Im destined not to know...in that case, keep me in the bliss that i am now, dont tell me if its negative, I dont care, If it its good news, tell me everything, every little detail. Sure, maybe its denial and repression but its the only way to keep sane in my life...give me everything you can and help me get through everything, you know ill help you. Are you going to pull me off the ledge?
-<3- Current Mood: thoughtful
loser...sorry for being such an idiot. But little things like this bug me. Its just, you got a new "chick". well, friend, whatever, and you're forgetting me. you're always down there, and when you're not, you're on the phone [it says so in your lj] or talking about her. which really bugs me. i know it has nothing to do with me. or it shouldn't. but its pissing me off. sorry.
just. i dont fucking want you to forget me.
you say its "nothing" but i beg to differ.
it seems like more than nothing. or maybe im wrong. i dont know. but, theres no need to lie.