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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Monday, March 8th, 2004

Time Event
7:10p
To an unknown lady.
Dear Mother,

I'm not to sure on what to say at this point. I think it's to late and I think deep down you know it too. You have tried to be a part of my life at all the wrong times. You were never there when I really needed you. My first word.. I was living with your sister. Potty training, my aunt. Bottle Breaking, not you. Your sister taught me to tie my shoes and ride a bike. You weren't the one to take me to my first day of school. And I never went to parents night. I never had a mothers day and thanks to you I don't know what the words "Father" or "Daddy" really mean. Going to a jail cell isn't where I wanted to see my mother at five. And high isn't how I wanted my friends to see you when you did have me. Four years of my whole life have you ever been with me. I'm fifteen almost sixteen. You won't be there when I take my road test. And I know you won't be there when I graduate. My children won't have a real grandmother from their mothers side... and also they won't have a grandfather from my side. Not only have you deprieved me, but my children you have deprieved. I never got to go to "take your daughter to work day" not that it would have been safe for me to tag along on your drug runs or hooker stations. I was to young to realize then that this is your fault and not mine. I use to cry at night and wonder why God didn't allow me a mother. So many birhtdays and achievments you have missed. I'm not like you, I won't allow myself to be as low as you. My children won't hate me like I hate you. I'll make something of myself. Just to show you that you could have raised a perfect little girl. But no your sister got the little girl she always wanted, and she thanks you a lot for that. So this is my good-bye my last and only one. So take it to heart, it's the last you'll ever hear from me.

Sincerely,
Amber Jade
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