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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Sunday, February 29th, 2004

Time Event
10:20a
Dear Dave,
we were one year and five months you broke my heart. i am with Nick now and you are with her, the one you cheated on me with so many times but i caught you.. red handed. and now you ask for me back.. trying so hard to have me so i'm writing again these letters to you on much i kno, cuz i'm not sleeping at yer not here.. i miss you, but you miss me more
"all you need is love"
Tracy
x
10:57a
//How much I know.
Dear *Gregory*,
We met for the first time yesterday. We kenw we would meet eventually, so we decided to "go out" over the phone. We would count down the days, though I know you were upset because you had to leave your friends. I would be too. But yesterday was the day. And I shwoed up at your house, and saw you, and I fell in love with you. I love everything about you. We were quiet for the first hour or so, but after we took the walk we opened up. You just opened you arms and we just hugged for five or so minutes. We then held hands. We got back to your house and cuddled on the bed. You just held me there, and I knew thats where I wanted to stay forever. They way we could just sit there, and now everything was perfect. I want this to last. You make me so incredibly happy, and I can't believe I found you. We are each others, and I want nothing different. I will stay with you forever. I love you.

January 15, 2004
February 28, 2004

<3 Courtney

Current Mood: In Love.
x
3:37p
989669,
'I'm sorry,
For everything I did to you.
I didn't mean it.
Late for my own funeral as usual.'
x
9:48p
Dear You,

Do you even know what I'm feeling. No, You don't. You're all caught up in the world of boys. Because after all, the male race is obviously more important than me. You're, so called, best friend. But I can't put up with this much longer. It's killing me. And You don't know it. I'm ready to die. I think I want to die. But You don't know it. Aren't You supposed to know these things? Sense them?

One half of me says, I'm better off without You. That way I won't have to be constantly thinking of You. I won't have to put up with all this talk about guys.

But the other half thinks, I should be there. I have to be there for You. Because You've been through so much. And I want "us" to be okay. I still want to be Your best friend. Because I love You. No matter what.

But, the question is, do You want to be my best friend? Do You love me?

And, speaking of love...how can You say You love all these boys? Am I the only one who knows what love really is?

LOVE IS HELL

I thought You would have noticed by now. But no, you don't. You can't. Because You're blind. Fucking blind.

Because I'm dying right in front of Your face. And You don't know. How can You not know?? I think a couple people are catching on to it though. Not You. Never You.

I lie about being okay. About being fine. I'm tired, is my main excuse for acting the way I have been. And, although that's true, it's not the main reason. You are. The way we've been acting towards each other. I'm losing sleep. I lay down at night, and even though I feel exhausted, I can't sleep. I just lay there with my eyes shut and my mind keeps going. Making up stories and what I might say to You to open Your eyes. But I never go through with them. So, this is a nice way to get it out.

And that's about it. There's not much more to say except that I miss You. And I can't help it.

Love Always,
~me~
x

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