I have recently decided that I'm sick of not being who I am. I'm sick of pretending. I'm sick of trying to please other people. I'm sick of hiding how I really feel and the person I truely am. If you have any stories about going through the same experience, please share. I'm looking for support.
lately it's basically like i've been completely out of all of my surroundings. nothings up with me, i'm totally content with my life right now. i love every minute of it. i just think that my past has come back to haunt me.. and all of the times that i said, "why aren't i feeling something more?" the time has come to make me feel that something more.
Dear Myself, Why do I hate you so much? i really don't know. is it because i know everything is going to be okay for you? and you have to watch the people you care about the most experience hard times and pain? why does it hurt you so much when people give you compliments? is it because you are afraid to accept the fact that you are changing, and growing up. and that you are moving on. what is it? what is it that makes me hate you so much? sometimes i can't even look at you in the mirror. i hate everything about you. from your short hair and brown skin to your large chest and cocky smile. when you cry i hate you even more. because i can't even understand why you are crying. nothing is going wrong and yet you feel like the world is falling apart? why do you get hurt when people get mad at you and complain that you are so blest? why are they mad at you? is it because you fail to appreciate what you have been given? or is it because they just wish you weren't blessed.. i worry about you, self, because you are so confused and so scared.. and so suicidal.. what are you going to do with yourself? why do you want to kill yourslf? why are you so unhappy? Did you forget what it means to be happy, or do you just want people to notice you? I'm not really sure. I just don't get you. I hate you.