February 22nd, 2004

(no subject)

How could you do this to me? I loved you, no I love you. You just had to fuck one of my best friends, didn't you? You knew that I wasn't over you, you knew that I never would be. Do you enjoy continously stabbing me in the back? The tears sliding down my face never mean anything to you, do they? C tells me differently, that H was just a piece of ass, and that you loved me. That I was different than H. Well no shit. You fucked H. You dated me for five months. Then why'd you tell everyone that I was just a piece of ass to you? Get over your fucking pride, and tell me how you really feel. No, you can't, because you're leaving tomorrow for the army, and you won't even come say goodbye to me, the one you supposedly love. I swear to god, sometimes I hate you and love you at the same time. We may have broken up a few months ago, but I know you. Every time I see you, I catch you staring at me. Can't you just make up your mind, and lose the pride? I wish you weren't leaving, but maybe it's for the best. I don't need you anymore. I may love you, but you need to apologize to me for all the shit you pulled. Maybe then I can forgive you. But not now. Definetely not now.

I hate it when you stab me in the back.
  • Current Music
    Glycerine XxX Bush.
fear me love me do as i say and i will b

letter to myself...

dear self..

is there something wrong with me? always looking for something, yet never finding it. loving to sing, but not finding the joy in it anymore. enjoying music more than anything, but not being able to concentrate on it. i cant concentrate on anything anymore. nothing at all. it's not fair. it's just not fair anymore. everything seems to be so differnet. i don't know what to do anymore, because everything i used to do seems so hard to even think about. its like nothing matters anymore. not even my life. i have no one to talk to. no one to go to when i need them most. and right now, i sure do need someone. i would give so much just for one day without a care in the world. so i could sing like no one was listening, dance like no one was watching, and cry like there was someone there to comfort me. just like i used to. but maybe im hoping for a little too much this time...

your worst enemy,

..i'm dying again
i'm going under
drowning in you
i'm falling forever
i've got to break through
i'm going under...
  • Current Music
    *Going Under* ::Evanescence::

(no subject)

To Myself,

What have you done to yourself this time? It only makes you feel worse. It only makes you feel like you're keeping more secrets...well actually it makes another secret for you to keep. It doesn't make you feel better like everyone else says it does for them. It only crushes you more. Are you just reaching out for attention? Waiting for the reaction? Do you want to hurt them more? I guess you could probably answer yes to all of those. How horrible does that make you?

Theres no love from me to you so I can't say love...
So bye
  • Current Music
    Rich And Famous

(no subject)

Dear Mike,

Last night, it was close to 2am, and I remember laying there on your couch. We had just watched your favorite tv show, and you turned off the tv. I knew I should leave, but I felt so warm, so safe, laying there, my head cradled against your side. You smelled like that cologne you sometimes wear, when you think I won't notice, and the dog was sleeping by your feet. I slowly got up and looked at you as we rubbed the sleep from our eyes.
"Good show, huh?"
"Yea. I liked it."
"You look tired. You should go get some rest. We both have work tomorrow."
"Yes. I should go. I can only imagine what your parents would say if they were to wake up and find me still here so late." Then you shrugged, gave that little smile of yours that I adore, and said "What can ya do?"
It was snowing as we said goodnight. You opened the door for me, and hugged me goodbye. "See ya in a few hours," you laughed.
As I sat in your driveway, waiting for my car to warm up, I just knew.

Then tonight at work, you smiled at me for no reason. You waited for me to get off of work, even though you had to wait an hour. You walked me to my car, even though yours was on the other side of the parking lot, and you shivered a bit while we said goodnight. You asked me to come over so we could watch a movie, even though you have an 8am class. I haven't had the courage to tell you yet. I'm so afraid I will lose what we already have. You're one of my best friend's. Nothing has been the same since I met you. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Mike, I love you. I only hope I find the courage to tell you.

Love Catie
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    touched touched