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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Sunday, February 15th, 2004

Time Event
2:35a
M-
Of course you never know it, but for as long as you and I have conciously been more than friends, everytime I hang up the phone with you I have a major reaction. If your voice sounded like you want me around, I practically chant "I love you I love you I love you" to the phone in my hand. If you sounded tired of something, I get worried and wind up sighing a long drawn out sigh as I fall onto whatever soft piece of fruniture is nearest.

Whenever you're physically around I get really concious of all my words and actions, knowing that different things I do can validate why we're not together anymore and that others make you miss me; I don't want to do the wrong thing and find that I've lost you completely.

Then I hear about thing like you and your friends going out and having fun tonight. I wish I could be like that with you. Fun. Crazy. It just makes that part of one of our break up conversations resound in my head: me-"you ground me." you- "well you don't really get me off the ground." If nothing else, I want to just be fun around you and have you think it was fun, not just weird. After some of our breakup conversations, I still have the impression that when I'm having fun, usually you're just sitting back and noticing that I'm not normal. I'm sick of being emotional. Lets just have fun.

-M
x
12:53p

Dear Em,

You really don't know me anymore and yet I find that you still judge me. I didn't change for Ryan. I'm well aware of how stupid that would make me at this point nothing is happening between us. I'm going to assume now that you forced your opinions on others like you have in the past, so if you will tell them that nothing is happening with Ryan and myself. We are friends. I'm sorry I can't be the person who you thought I was, but you aren't the person I thought you were. So in memory of you. I hope the world goes to hell just to be there with you, because you have never been able to be alone. It's just not a stregth everyone has. It's your weakness.



Current Mood: bitchy
x
6:01p
You're the person who knows me best.

I shouldn't have to tell you.
x
6:07p

I normally would post all this nonsense that no one cares about in my own journal, but since I found out that he reads that… I just need somewhere to vent… and mostly what I need is some good ol’ fashioned advice… so if ya care, then plz read this, and then help me w/ what u think… by commenting or something. Thanks.

 

 

<33Collapse )

Current Mood: crushed

5 ||x
10:48p
I wish i could trust you but i cant help but wonder whose heard these words too
Because if i know you i know that i'm not the only one
All i want is the truth
I really wish i knew you
who i always say i do
1 ||x

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