Of course you never know it, but for as long as you and I have conciously been more than friends, everytime I hang up the phone with you I have a major reaction. If your voice sounded like you want me around, I practically chant "I love you I love you I love you" to the phone in my hand. If you sounded tired of something, I get worried and wind up sighing a long drawn out sigh as I fall onto whatever soft piece of fruniture is nearest.
Whenever you're physically around I get really concious of all my words and actions, knowing that different things I do can validate why we're not together anymore and that others make you miss me; I don't want to do the wrong thing and find that I've lost you completely.
Then I hear about thing like you and your friends going out and having fun tonight. I wish I could be like that with you. Fun. Crazy. It just makes that part of one of our break up conversations resound in my head: me-"you ground me." you- "well you don't really get me off the ground." If nothing else, I want to just be fun around you and have you think it was fun, not just weird. After some of our breakup conversations, I still have the impression that when I'm having fun, usually you're just sitting back and noticing that I'm not normal. I'm sick of being emotional. Lets just have fun.