February 12th, 2004


(no subject)

Will you be here
When the darknesss covers all
when the floods of tears
make it hard to breathe
will you be here
when my trembles
make the earth quake
and mountains crumble
will you be here
when i'm the only one
standing numbly
and waiting for this novicane of life to wear off
will you be here then
are you even here now
you say the words "i love you"
you spray them out like water
they quench my thirts for a moment
but it comes back 10-fold
leaves me wondering
if these words mean anything to you
because i can't find it in my heart
to return them
because returning them is a binding
that i can't stand to bear
because my only question is
will you really be here
i can't love you
even if you swear the same
your hand can't lead me to safety
because i'm lost in your arms
and it is too easy to get lost in the serenity of your dark eyes
i need you next to me
i need you here
trust is not easily obtainable
unless you'll show that you'll be here
will you be?

For sarah..

sarah, i know things have been shitty for the past few months... i dont really know what to say to that anymore. i have been completely honest with you ever since we drifted apart. i know you have somebody else, and you told me that youd give me another chance someday. after all thats happened, im not sure of anything at all. im not sure of myself. its been all my fault and now im alone. i will never know the truth, but i can picture in my mind how happy you are. i should be happy for you and to some extent i am. but i still cant imagine us without each other.

But one thing i know... is that youre the one reason that im still trying. most times, i just look around and see these things around me falling apart. i swear, everytime i see it, i felt like killing myself. i still havent. all for you. i havent realized it until now. these things in my life, i can tolerate, if it meant that youd be mine someday. or death.
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