February 3rd, 2004

(no subject)

I'm so sorry. I never knew you felt this way. I thought we were just friends. Maybe I was trying to be too "serious" with our friendship. Or maybe you took it too seriously, and thought different of it.
I'm sorry. ♥
Masuimi Max www.vivaspinups.com

Hi, I'm New

To you all-

I'm feeling like me again. Which means no, I'm not over him, but I haven't seen him in two weeks so I'm doing okay. You might even say better, but I wouldn't.

For about a month there I felt a little insane. I found out who all he had been flirting with and that one of the girls had kissed him. None of you told me, which I now apologize for yelling at you for. I do know that none of those girls mean anything while I still am indelible in his life as first love can be. He told me, possibly a more indepth version than he told you. I just wish I hadn't had to find out by being around those girls and him without any warning.

When we broke up all I had wanted was to find solid guy friends, the type that even if there was a chance with them I wouldn't go for because I wanted to respect the friendship for once. I forgot that for a few weeks. It set me spinning, thinking competitively, wishing there was someone in my life that I wanted to date or even just make out with. Thank you all for not letting me. I didn't appreciate it at the time, but now that I think about it desperation is never appealing. My goal was meant to strengthen me as a person and I know that without all of you I'm not that strong.

I would also like to thank the homeless man on the Ave that told me I was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. Somehow that gave me a confidence boost I really needed.


To ___ -

I'm wondering why everyone always seems to drop hints about you. It happened months ago during the last play (Chelsea told me "your secret pal really loves you" when i was trying to guess) when you gave me all those super sweet secret pal gifts. (I use the journal alot, love the Molly Monologues CD and you're still the first and only guy to ever get me flowers). I thought it was odd when i was driving Clara home today. She started talking about how it's sad that you have all these girls around but aren't dating any of them. I don't think you like me like that, but I'm just hoping I'm not missing anything. You really are great. So thanks.