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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Sunday, February 1st, 2004

Time Event
3:23p
Meg,
I despise you. Honestly. Truely. Despise you. You put yourself up on a pedastal above everyone else and act as if you're god's gift to humanity. You preach being different and not conforming and "down with bush", but you're just like everyone else who wants to be different. I like the way I am. I like who I am when I'm with my friends. I do not care if you don't like me when I'm around andrew, kim, laur, meg, and manda. They've stuck by me no matter what, and if you suppousedly "hate me" when I'm around them than tough shit. Go away from me. You'll be doing me a huge favor if you do. Do not tell me and laur how to play softball. We've been doing it since we were six, I'm pretty sure we have everything figured out by now, and if we don't, we have 3 very capable coaches. And do not ever threaten sara again, or I will kick the living shit out of you and anyone else you get against her. Sara is amazing. Sara is beautiful, funny as hell, outgoing, and like I said, amazing. In other words, she is everything that you are not. You wonder why no one likes you? No, it's not because you're a lesbian. It's because you're rude meg. Fucking rude. You butt into people's business and act as if you're this all knowing force. Half the time, you have no idea what's going on because it's shit that happened between us the night before or over the weekend. SO in conclusion. Fuck off Meg.
x
9:29p
eww... letter in french :S
sorry if its in french, but my english is !@#%$. french is my first language, so...

Jo,
tu vois, tout le monde le savait, même moi, c'était le mauvais choix. Je me suis trompée en te laissant pour aller avec Zhus. Je me suis trompée quand je disais que je l'aimais. Ça ne veut pas dire que c'est toi que j'aime - tu sais, il paraît qu'on aime vraiment qu'une seule fois, désolée, mais ce n'était ni toi, ni elle, ni même Sophie. Mais si je pouvais revenir en arrière, je ne romperais pas. J'étais tellement bien avec toi, pourquoi ai-je fait ce choix? Ils ont essayé de me prévenir. Au plus profond de moi, je savais que ce n'était pas la meilleure chose à faire, mais Zhus insistait tellement... Tu sais, je voulais qu'elle soit heureuse. Je voulais aussi que tu le sois. Mais elle semblait m'aimer énormément plus. Elle semblait croire tellement à ce rêve. Et toi, je croyais que tu ne tenais pas vraiment à moi, à cause de la distance, entre-autre.
Alors pourquoi as-tu réagi comme tu l'as fait? Était-ce vraiment le fait que je te laisse tomber pour une fille, pour quelqu'un de moins beau que toi? Est-ce que tu avais fini par t'attacher réellement à moi? J'ose en douter, de la façon dont tu parles de tes blondes, ces jours-ci... Est-ce que tu me trompais? Je sais que ça ne m'aurait pas déranger, mais... J'aimerais le savoir. Question de franchise, de confiance.
Sophie m'avait mit en garde contre toi. Parce que tu étais pas quelqu'un de très fidele, selon elle. Moi, je trouve que tu es un amoureux formidable. Pourquoi tu ne veux pas te montrer aux gens comme tu es vraiment? Tu n'es pas qu'un sale pervers. Tu es une personne tellement merveilleuse... Je voudrais te rendre heureuse, mais je suis loin d'être ce qu'il te faut. Je t'exaspère. Je ne satisfais en rien. Je n'ai rien à te donner, et mes mots, tu ne les céouterais peut-être pas; et j'ai trop de misère à les dire.
Mais tu es quelqu'un de tellement fantastique, Jo. Je suis désolée d'avoir cassé.
Je t'adore,
XxX
Sai

Current Mood: sad
4 ||x
9:54p
Dear Dad,
You know, i used to love you. You used to be my hero, i LOVED spending time with you and i absolutely LOVED it when you were off from work. But notice that the word 'loved' ends in ED, meaning the past. And usually, when someone says they lovED someone, it means they dont anymore. Am i making any sense? Well if im not, your an even bigger dumbass then i thought.

All you do now is yell at me for no reason! Sometimes we'll have fun for about 3 minutes, then you'll think 'oh well, if i just do something that'll annoy her a little it wont hurt her' and you think that until its to the point that im on my knees crying hysterically begging you to stop.

All those times you found out about my suicide attempts, you just passed it off saying 'oh well all the little bitch wants is fucking attention'. No, i didnt want attention. The truth is i was in the bathroom nearly killing myself because you brought me so much fucking pain that it made me wanna fucking end my life!! Does that sound like i wanted attention?!

Remember when i was, oh i'd say about 6 years old and we went down to florida? You, Melissa, and mom were all out doing god knows what. John and I were at the aparment, playing video games. Then, he abused me, nearly raped me. I was so glad to see you walk in the door, thinking john would be in trouble. But no, you sent me to another room, talked to John, then when you came in the room i was in, you started yelling at me, saying that john said i fucking begged him to do that shit to me. WHAT THE FUCK?! i was fucking 6 years old! why would a 6 year old beg her own brother to fucking rape her?!?!?!?!? Then, after that, he did it again. Nearly raped me. No one walked in that time, he just stopped when we heard someone walk in the house.

I know that people say your a great father, but the truth is they only say that because they dont know half the shit you do. You used to fucking hurt me so bad it left visible bruises for at least 3 days. And that was when i was only 6 or 7! You'd send me to your room, and fucking spank me and hit me until i cried. You finally stopped with the physical part, but still kept up the whole verbal abuse.

Look, I'm sorry i cant be the one perfect daughter you've always wanted. Im sorry im not a slutty little prep whose head cheerleader. Im sorry im an outcast and i have no friends. Im sorry i cant be who you want me to be.

I dont know, maybe one day i'll totally forget about this and i'll talk to you again and say i wanna start over and be friends. But as of now, all i have left to say is to fuck off and stay out of my life
-Mary
x

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