to my dad:
i'm sorry i broke down in front of you. and i'm sorry that i have brought all this upon you. but you need to understand that the reason we are distant is my fault. it's entirely my fault, so don't blame yourself. i've severed our connection because i can't be close to you anymore and be happy. and maybe that's selfish of me, but i will accept full responsibility for my actions.
i know that i don't know anything about why you divorced. and i probably never will. but i know that you didn't do it to hurt us. and i know that you didn't do it to cause problems, or make life harder, or turn anyone suicidal. i KNOW that. you don't have to reiterate it. what i do know, is that i cannot rely on you anymore to give me what a family should. and for that reason, i have to turn to my friends. and you need to understand and accept that i would rather be with them than be here. you don't know what it's like growing up in a broken home, because you never did. you need to look through my eyes, and realize what i am going through, and understand that if i'm going to get through my life i need to feel secure. when i am secure, i'm with my friends. if you sever that tie, i don't know who i'll turn to.
you probably don't know that i have outlets for my problems. when i need to talk to someone, you should know that i would choose nick, or nicole, or janet any day over you and mom. because talking to you and mom doesn't do anything. you can't help me anymore. i'm growing up dad, you need to let go of me. i'm going to be an adult soon, and you've just got to trust me with the decisions i make. i know i've broken your trust once, and i know for a fact it was the stupidest mistake of my entire life. and i'm so pissed that i can't go back and just change that one little thing. i want you to be proud of me dad, i want you to be proud and be able to look at me and see everything that you put into me.
you told me you just want to set a good example, and be a good man. you are a good man, and you don't need to change anything. but you need to understand that sometimes you need to back off and give me my space. and when i pick others over you, it's not because i want to hurt you, it's because it is what i want.
everything that you are feeling right now is my fault. i'm selfish. and i'm trying to change but i don't know how. please, bear with me ... and just know this, that even though we don't have a connection now, that doesn't mean that the one we had before meant nothing. i'm grateful for all those times we spent together. and i'm grateful for what you've showed me, how to be a good person. and i can only pray that when i grow up, i'll be just like you. i can only hope that i'll have your strength to take what life throws you and keep on walking with your head up.
i'm sorry if i've hurt you.
i'im so sorry.