January 28th, 2004

(no subject)

"'Cuz I still taste you,
And thus reserve my right to hate you
And all this empty space
That you create
Does nothing for my
Flawless sense of style.

It's 8:45.
The weather's getting better by the hour,
I hope it rains there all the time.

And if you ever said you missed me,
Then don't say you never lied.

Why do you have this way of acting like you care when you don't? Why do you continue to IM me, to leave me comments, to email me, even after you know just how badly you scarred me? Even after you learn of how fucked up I am, you don't leave me alone. Why not, Matt? It's all I need - to be away from you, to stop thinking of you. I'm so sick of being confused, I'm sick of being exhausted from a lack of sleep because I spent all night thinking of you, I'm sick of being the only one that cares. I hate knowing that I still cry, so much, I can't stop, and then have you talk to me about how much you love Jessica, about how you're going to propose to her. Whatever happened to our marriage plans, the plans that I, for one, took seriously? I would have done absolutely anything for you. Anything. I was willing to give up the most precious thing I have for you. Thank God it didn't come to that... But how could I have cared so much, and have you not care at all? Don't say you never lied to me, Matt. I have proof... I have the love letters you wrote me, where you would "stack up everything good in the world ontop of each other and it still wouldn't equal you," about how much you "miss" me and "love" me. Fucking lies. At least admit that you lied, if you have to continue talking to me. And look over all of your actions during the past year before you do something stupid, like tell yet another girl that you love her. You already broke my heart, Kate's heart, and only God knows how many others.............
  • Current Music
    "Mix Tape" by Brand New
rick james bitch

(no subject)


Ever since freshmen year, me and you, we've been a pair. Wherever i went, you went, and vice versa. It was an unexpected friendship, and i thank god everyday that i found you, because i couldn't have asked for a better person to be friends with.

But then Jenn came along. For the first few months it was alright, mainly because you guys refused to touch each other in public. But the months kept on going by, and she kept pulling you farther away. It hurt that you didn't realize what she was doing to you. It hurt when you didn't stick up for me when she called me a bitch on numerous times. I know you changed the subject quickly, but it would have been nice for you to say "hey don't talk that way about her".

June came and we finally talked some sense into you, and you finally broke up with her. And you were so happy, the happiest i had seen you since you started going out with her. So we went to the drive-in movies to celebrate your new found freedom. And we fell asleep together on the blanket, under the stars, and then we woke up and when you looked in my eyes i had to fight the urge to kiss you so badly. Instead, we linked arms and walked to the bathroom together...romantic isn't it.

From then on, we fell asleep, side by side, during every movie we saw that summer. Identity, Pirates of the Carribean, Underworld, 8 mile, Undercover Brother. People dubbed us the sleep buddies. And then Jessica came along. And it was back to the same thing with jen.

ANd i don't understand why you don't see what i see! We'd be perfect for each other. I should know, sicne every girl i know has come up to me and told me that me and you would look perfect together, that we'd be perfect together. And I just don't understand. I really don't.


dear me...

dear me,

why can't you be a kid agian. no worries, young and innocent. not worry about who really likes you or not, not worrying about what "group" your in, not even worrying if you have grass stains on your pants or scraped knees or anything. all your boo boos can just go away w/ a kiss and a band-aid from mommy. why can't you play red rover, hide and seek, tag on recess with all your friends? why can't you just go out and ride your bike around the cul-de-sac with your best friends. why can't you fall asleep at your friends house in the middle of the day just so your parents would let you spend the night. why can't you make crafts and/or cookies that even though they are not the prettiest or yummiest, people appreciate. why can't you have those "hey, do u like me, circle yes or no" crushes. why can't you be a kid? i wish you would be a kid.


p.s wat a weird letter but, its how i feel.
  • Current Music
    Simple Plan- Just a Kid

(no subject)

hey im new ... wanna write a letter that i wont send to my best mate .....

Hey.... You no ur my best mate up wen she came along u just went ... forgot bout me .. im i still here or am i just a girl u come runny bk to wen it wont work like all the times befor .. You stole my bf of me and i forgave u for that and u new how much i loved him ... You go on bout how he loved u wen he was with me .. fuckin bitch .. i dont wanna be ur friend no more and if ur goin to treat me like this and steal my guys from me .. just wanna let you no ... i dont like you anymore youv changed it makes me sad i sist and cry myself to sleep over some lil girl that just dont care no more bout me .. we were beth mates unciprbel ppl called us peas in a pod we were always together .. well fuck u and that bitch of a best mate .. i hate u both..

bye min xxxxxx
  • Current Music
    thursday - understnadin a car crash

(no subject)

To Whichever 'Sarah' It may concern:

How dare you lie like that... how dare you leave yourself to make all these decisions and change your mind constantly, but never make a decision based on what you really want. What is the point in feelign so deeply about something, and knowing what is right for you, but the next minute it's still right for you, but wrong for her. Ultimately, you know what is best for you and always have- but making these decisions for yourself is terrifying, and we understand that. But you'll be miserable for ther est of your concious days unless you take action about all these feelings going on inside of you.
And, where do you come off not saying


I mean, seriously....
People can't know that there is anythign wrong with us, what is going on inside unless you tell them. And unless you do, it's not their fault for not knowing that soemthing is bothering you.

That's where we come in.

I'm terribly confused...o.o
  • Current Music
    "(Don't go back to)Rockville"-REM

Christmas cookies are good

Dear other person,

What exactly are we. Could you please define us. It's been almost a month since we've seen each other yet the time flies by. I thought about us today when lindsey mentioned that she talked to Staley and mentioned something about a double date. I felt as if i needed your premission. If i told you would you be mad at me, would you let me go or protest. I'm wondering because I'm thinking i could gauge your reaction and see how you truely felt none of our usual i don't cares.

What are you thinking? do you want me to stay and talk to you through the wires and mircles of the internet or are you just going to let  me go. I guess I would lewt you go and then spend all night by the computer hoping you'd say you made a mistake but that's not you.

I need to know what are we?



  • Current Mood
    curious curious