youuu!!! i love you so much. did you know that? and you're right. it's pathetic...like what you said:
"this is what i will remember...my graduation, and sitting in front of a computer screen...this is the only way i get to look into your life, through a window."
i'm sorry. life works like that, we got the short end of the stick but we'll get through this. i'll wait until april when we'll see eachother again. i'm holding on to you, don't worry. i promise i won't leave.
i love it when you call me darling.
and now moving on to you you stupid fuckhead...
first off, i don't know what you're trying to achieve by pulling the "i'm your friend" act. it's not working, even though i might tell you stuff...you're not special, contrary to popular belief. seriously, get over yourself. i mean you and this girl what the hell is up? you're like off and on and off and on...and i guess i'm just hoping she'll find someone else...and you'll have to fall back on me...and even though it won't be right, i'll still want you back.
cuz i just have this gut feeling that i could be happy if i had you. and this probably isn't true, but i learn things the hard way. so i'd probably end up hurting you in the long run. and maybe that's what i wanna do because you hurt me.
i am perfectly aware that this is totally wrong and the fact that i'm still holding on to one shred of hope is so stupid. the things you have done, you don't deserve my attention, my desire or my respect. something about you though...you make it so damn hard to hate you.
sometimes when i'm in deep thought, i get jolted awake because i can smell your cologne on me. it drives me insane...because then i remember what happened that night and how much of a fool i was for you. you could have told me to slit myself and i would have done it.
this entry was stupid. i went from scorning you, to wanting you back again. it's like a neverending cycle that i can't get out of.
i'm going to go listen to some emo music and read architectural digest. leave me alone, and stop pretending that nothing happened, because something happened. and it's changed me.