January 4th, 2004

isaac  _eviction.

(no subject)

there is the guy that u have liked ur whole life. no exaggeration. i mean, he was ur first kiss. but you were only 1! and he never felt the same for you because ur like his lil sis. well u never thought he felt the same because he always was goin on about this other girl that he likes. well, this time its been the same girl for about 4 years and since u go to the same school as them now, the feelings for him are back, even stronger than ever, and the hatred for her grows every time that she hurts him, which is way too often. but now you thought that it was over w/ them because she made some dumb choices and hurt him way too much and he told you it was done. his friends said it was done. they spent the first half of the night talking crap about her, and he spent the 2nd half cuddling with you. holding hands, for heavens sake. and then the next night, its the same way. you can see him looking at you thru different eyes. its like suddenly your NOT jus this lil pudgy lil girl who follows him around, but ur actually a girl who likes him. and so i mean, you believe him. he tricked you, the bastard, and you believed him. no no he still loves the other girl. he decided that he enjoyed the fact that u came over and that hes goin to tell this other girl that way she becomes jealous. screw him.


  • Current Mood
    jealous jealous

(no subject)

So, originally, I've been wanting to talk about this all day. I've debated on whether or not to do so a hundred times over.
It feels like I'm at this crazy standstill in my life. I mean, I absolutely love my friends. Last year I was friends with everyone but was too occupied with Patrick to really be great friends with them. Now, it's like, I have so many close friends and they mean so much to me. I got all these great presents for Christmas from them. Homemade pink boxes, pictures of us in frames, etc. And it made me so happy. Just to know that someone other than fam cares about me this Christmas. So much has changed since last Christmas. So much.
I'm really looking forward to my birthday. Sweet Sixteen. This means: It will be a huge disappointment. If it's half of what last year was I will be completely satisfied. I don't want a big party (as opposed to my mother who wants at least 200 people in attendance). I just want a few close people around. That's all I need. And honestly, I don't want my family around. If I could take a couple kids skiing, stay in some cheap ass hotel, bring minimal amounts of money, semi road trip, that would rule. Something. Not a bunch of people I don't like sitting around at Maggiano's.
Guys. Are there any in my life? Yes. Do they have the most gorgeous eyes and rosy cheeks? Yes.
This really disapoints me: Jenn and Andrew have been going out for two years. She cheated on him. Erin and Ryan have been going out for a year, she cheated on him. Erin and Drew cheated on eachother. I'm so f ing stupid for actually believing that a perfect guy will never hurt me or maybe even exist.
And the possibility of reemerging friendships. I'm sorry, but this could make me care again.
You once said you looked at me and hates yourself. Yeah well, it's the same the other way around.