December 24th, 2003

(no subject)


i never knew it would be like this.
i have so much mixed feelings about us. i hate the fact that you are acting like a little kid about it yet i think its pretty rad because i can tell how much you like me. i know i told you that we would go back out eventully, but its almost been three months. i seriously dont think we're gonna get back togther.

both of us have changed. a lot actully. you dont realize nor see it and it bugs me. open up your fricken eyes. please? and thats all i ask.

the other day i was talking to my brother about how you said you got in trouble and stuff and stopped smoking weed. he said if you really cared enough about me you would of stopped long ago and not wait till you got into trouble. i think my brother is right. see my brother smokes weed and hes in a serious relationship with a girl and if his girlfriend didnt like it he would stop right away. it took you almost 6 months. i guess you dont care nor like me as much as you say you do.

i know im your first girlfriend. but there are so many more girls.

i just remember when i was so happy that you were my boyfriend. it just made me smile constantly because a hot/awesome guy like you was into me and still is. you made girls hate/jealous of me and now there still mad/jealous at me because you wont give any of them the time of the day cuz you say that me and you are gonna get back together.

i also hate the fact that there is another guy too. i know you know about him becuase we talk about it and you tell me how much you hate him. but seriously hes a really nice guy and he would never do anything to hurt me but im not saying you would because you are the same way.

just if me and you ever go back out i know i will have to choose because you or him will be hurt and i will also be hurt with any decision i make. kevin, i can seriously say that i love you. i can not say that about him. but thats what tears me up because i put myself in this position and i hate it. i havent been able to sleep right since friday night. im so exhausted and emotionally exhausted that i seriously dont know what to do. i have not yet once enjoyed this vacation from school.

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