December 22nd, 2003

im new..

this is something i wrote and i wanted to give someone..but i cant do it..

im bleeding again
and all i can think about is you
im screaming out slient crys
and its my dream that you might hear
i keep thinking you will come to save me
tell me its okay
but i know you wont
its just wishful thinking
im my imaganation im running away
with dreams of you
in the hopelessness of it all
i still want you here
i just want you to be who tells me everythings okay
i wont believe the whipsers from any one else
i want you to be who takes my hand
and takes me away from all of this
get me out of this world
ive become so numb
and you see right through me like a window no one ever closed
wake me up and tell me whats real
save me
in falling into more of nothing
or a part of something that i dont understand
make me see
lead the way
because by myself, or with any one else im too afriad.
  • Current Music
    i hate everything about you-three days grace

Silent love.

Dear --.

I love you.

It's amazing how you can trust someone after so little time. How you can feel yourself opening up to them, telling them things that you'd never tell anyone, just because when you're with them, you feel safe. I feel like that with you. When I first met you, and we had that first crazy conversation together, I knew, I knew I'd want more than friendship.

Even though I'll know I'll never get that.

We just clicked, like two peas in a pod. And every day I spend with you, we find more things in common. It's only in my dreams I get to kiss your tender lips, and run my hand down your beautiful face. It's only there that we'll ever be together.

I don't understand how people guessed I had a crush on you. Your girlfriend, for one. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm moving in on her territory. First when you told me she didn't want you to come on that one day trip with me, and how she subscribed to my Xanga journal even though she doesn't know me at all. Alecia said it to my face.

"Um.. do you, you know.. "like" her.. like.. yeh."

Is it really that obvious? Why would Alecia suggest that? She doesn't even know I'm Bi. Max's the only one who knows. I deny it to everyone else. Am I ashamed? Of you, never. Of myself, always.

A little voice tells me that you might like me back. While the other 99 tie him down and beat him. I know I shouldn't even think about it, try to ignore what I feel, because each time I do, I'm a little more certain I'll never have anybody, let alone you.

But even though I don't have you.. I'm content with out budding friendship. And that's the reason this letter will never be sent. Because I don't want things to be awkward between us, for us to grow apart because you know what I really feel. Max says I should tell you, he's convinced you have feelings for me to, but I can't help but not believe him.

In love and friendship always.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed