December 20th, 2003

(no subject)

Dave -

Of course I fucking knew what they were talking about. "Are you loose?" These older guys, all jeering, all sneering at me, thinking the worst, and me, not knowing what to do, staring up at the one whom I used to look up to, whom I used to love. I stared at him, waiting for support, for him to even motion to them to maybe stop since it was obviously bothering me, but instead of an encouraging word, I saw his head swing back in a cruel laugh. My brother, having no compassion for me, not caring how scared I was, just laughing and laughing and laughing, and me, standing there, grasping my arms tightly in front of me, knowing not what to say. "You're scaring me - I've had trouble with you before, and I was going to forgive you today, I had it all planned out, so why are you hurting me?" my eyes pleaded to his friend, who sat in the corner, snickering, as the ugly one made fun of me, mocking me for things he has no idea about. Thoughts running through my head, disjointed and frightened, as I begin to shake, "I'm a freak," "Why," "He scared me so much last year." I was truly terrified. I came back, with the redness under my eyes meaning extreme sad emotion, either tears or streams of curse words, but I knew not which one to do. The virtual strangers whom I had pushed out of my life were right there, supporting me, as my closest brother mocked me with his friends, allowing them to call me a whore, a slut, a prostitute, and a tramp, and talk about my sexual experiences, as if I even had any. I was stuck, I felt as if I was crawling away, and I couldn't crawl fast enough, and I could still hear their voices and see their faces after I had thought I got away... I can see and hear them now, if I think hard enough, but if I do that, I won't sleep tonight.
Dave, you left me there, unsupported and alone, and now I'm shaking, and holding back tears, so frightened. You know what Collin did to me last year, yet you let him say those things! You let Pat do it, and I barely know him, he scared me so bad, and when you realized how scared I was, you just laughed! You laughed at me when I was horrified, and you hurt me more than you'll ever know. You hurt me. I shall never look up to you again, you selfish, self-absorbed, conceited, arrogant bastard. I am your baby sister, the one you used to care about, remember? What happened to make you treat me like this, to make you treat me as if you don't care?
Oh, wait. You stopped caring.

</3 Me

(no subject)

day after day
time pass away
and I just can't get you off my mind
nobody knows
I hide it inside
I keep on searching but i can't find

the courage to show
to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before
and once again I'm thinkin' about
takin' the easy way out

but if I let you go
I will never know
what my life would be
holding you close to me
will I ever see
you smiling back at me
oh yeah
how will I know
if I let you go

night after night
I hear myself say
why can't this feeling just fade away
there's no one like you
you speak to my heart
it's such a shame
we're worlds apart

I'm to too shy to ask
I'm to too proud to lose
but sooner or later I've gotta choose
and once again
I'm thinkin' about
taking the easy way out

but if I let you go
I will never know
what my life would be
holding you close to me
will I ever see
you smiling back at me
oh yeah
how will I know
if I let you go

if I let you go, oh baby

oooh

once again I'm thinkin' about
takin' the easy way out

but if I let you go
I will never know
what my life would be
holding you close to me (close to me)
will I ever see
you smiling back at me
oh yeah
how will I know
if I let you go

but if I let you go
I will never know
(oh baby)

will I ever see
you smiling back at me
oh yeah
How will I know
(how will i know)
if I let you go

hi. i'm new.

i'm new. yay for me.

i love the idea of this community. cuz i can write how i feel and not have the boy i like see it. (:

g-
since the first day i met you, i knew you were something special. u weren't like the other boys. i was lost&broken from my first and prvious relationship. u made me feel special. u made me feel wanted. what am i saying... YOU MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL AND WANTED. whenever i see you, i get butterflies in my stomach&i turn to mush. i know this sounds so corny&middle school-ish, but you make me feel so GREAT! i never know what's going to happen next whenever i'm with you. you keep me begging for more. and i know that the distance between us makes you sad, but please don't be. if anything, it makes us stronger and only makes me miss you a million times more. i can feel that we can become something stronger and better... you know exactly what to say to me and what to do to me. i feel like i've known you much longer than the 2 months that we have known each other. the past month that we've been dating has been nothing but happiness for me. &i know that you are having problems right now, but just know that i won't rush you into a full relationship and i will always be here for you. i will wait. 143. <3

love always, jessica



omg, that was too much rambling. but i can't help it. i'm head over heels for him. (: <3
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letter to a lost soul

Dear Grandmom,
Im sad to see you go but i think it was time to let go It killed me to see you like that and it relives me that you are the angels and not stuck on this shitty world suffering with the rest of us. I regret that i never got a chance to say goodbye and i will regret that everyday of my life. I just wanted you to know that i love you, you were the best person i will ever meet and i never doubted that you loved me w/ all your heart...please watch over me and make sure i do the right thing. Rest In Peace Grandmom I Love You Goodbye

Love You Forever And Alwayz,
Katie
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