December 5th, 2003

Dear You:

I have cried. I have sat without anyone and have cried. I miss everything. I miss seeing you. I miss hearing your voice. I miss our inside jokes. I miss the soccer games and the "hello" in the hall. I miss seeing you smile. I miss history class with you. I miss our games. You should have lived. You should have made it past fifteen. I miss you... and what is worse... I never got to say goodbye.

some info...

x. song = “One-Eight-Seven” by Senses Fail, “IOU One Galaxy” by the Ataris and last but not least “Given the Chance” by the Starting Line
x. thing to do = Sleep… yep, I am boring
x. thing to talk about = I don’t have a favorite thing… I will talk about anything, I am pretty open
x. sports = football and soccer
x. drinks = iced tea, coffee and propel
x. clothes = My blue skirt, my Rufio t-shirt and black, long-sleeve shirt
x. movies = Saving Private Ryan, Gladiator, Enemy at the Gates… any war movie, you name it
x. band = too many to name all, but for a few… Senses Fail, Finch, The Starting Line, Rufio, M.E.S.T., The Ataris
x. holiday = Christmas…
x. cars = corvettes, specifically a ’75 corvette and ALSO a 65 Shelby Mustang… *drools*


i wish *closes eyes and scrunches up face* that Senses Fail was sitting in my living room...*runs out to living room and sighs because Senses Fail is not in her living room* DAMNIT!
real love stories never end
  • blairie

(no subject)

How could you just get up and walk away?
How could you leave me so soon?
Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this?
Was my love and dedication not good enough for you?

I fail to understand, where I went oh so wrong.

You were there for everything. Now I see you, and I want to cry. You promised to never do this.

I guess boys named Mark always break my heart in the end. I guess that name means you'll tell me lies.

I hate to make the general assumption. But I don't get it. I don't get you.

I told you I missed you. You said you'd like us talking again. And then you never talked to me. You had already unfriended me. And now a girl completely devoted to you has also unfriended me.

Did I piss you off? Did I say something mean? Why did you go away?

I see you and I want to scream your name and run to you. I want to give you a hug and never let go.

You were the best person in my life for a year and a half.

So why are you gone?

(no subject)


i know it's not easy for you. don't think it's not the same for me, i suffer as much as you. and i know that i can't be there for you when i should be. it's hard, us not living close to eachother (6 hours). and i know it's hard, you being a year ahead of me (sophomore vs. junior). you'll be going to college soon. a year before me. and i hope that your feelings for me, and my feelings for you don't influence your decisions or hold you back. i hope you know that you can always count on me if you need a shoulder to lean on, even though i use yours more than you use mine. you have no idea how much that means to me, i can't even count on the people who i see every day to be like that. i see you maybe three times a year. and yeah it's horrible, but what if we had never met in the first place? i'm thankful that i know you, i know you feel the same way about me. i'd just like to tell you that you are the only guy i could ever cry over and mean it. i tell you shit that i don't even tell my best girl friends. do you know how much you've impacted me? i've been sober 8 months because of you. and those times when i just don't feel like dealing with it all, i remember you . . . and i think to myself, i can't end it now. i'd be disappointing you. and i don't ever want to do that. ever. you are the only thing keeping me holding on. it's the small things that you do which make me realize how much i love you, what was that thing you said to me the other night, when i was really depressed?

"sometimes i question what it is you see in me
then i realize, that i could never ask for somebody to understand me the way you do
thank you
for being here"

why are you thanking me? i should be thanking you. for the life that you've given me. for the will that you've given me. you've taught me that the world is more beautiful with people like you in it. and don't give me that crap about me helping you through the hard times, you don't need help. you're the most independent, self sufficient, intelligent and witty person i've ever met in my entire life. you don't have any idea how lucky you make me feel. i look around me, and i can't name anyone who has already found their soulmate. you are so important to me, don't ever go away. i need you here, i need you to be the voice in the back of my head. keep me alive. i love you so much, don't ever forget it.

yours always,

  • Current Music
    in the songs::Midtown

(no subject)

What can you do when your closest friends, the people who know you inside-out, don't know what to say or do, and don't understand what you're going through?

I know what you do, you go to strangers.

I need to get this out.

How did you go from knowing me so well to.. this? This is horrible. I loved you. God, I still fucking love you. Yet you are oblivious... You think this doesn't bother me, you think I'm fine. You used to be able to sign online, and the moment I said "Heya" you knew whether I was happy or not, I'll never know how but I knew the same for you. And I still know it for you. Right now, you're very content, so content you're looking over other's sadness, you're looking over me. You don't understand. How did this happen? It seems like forever ago, yet yesterday, that we were together.. Then, you couldn't stay with me. You had to be with your ex, the one who treated you like shit... God, I hate it when other guys complain about how nice guys finish last, because nice girls finish even fucking farther behind them. You went for her instead of me, even though you loved me... Or so you said. And you acted like it to, which is why this hurts so bad! I wouldn't be crying if you didn't just rip open my chest and tear out my heart.. And sometimes, I talk to you, and things are fine, and I can be just fine. And other times.. I cry as I IM you, saying "hehe" and "lol" and you don't even fucking realize.
I was pure of heart, wasn't I? You want me to stay that way.. So why did you do this to me? Now I feel unpure, uninnocent, unloved, and uncared for.
"Times like these, leave me in pieces
Times like these, leave me in two.
And if I try tonight
Tomorrow, will be just fine."
I don't know if I believe that anymore. And it's because you hurt me.

  • Current Music
    "If I Try," Masic