November 2nd, 2003

(no subject)

What the hell is going on? I seriously do not know anymore. All you do is throw me around. I know that this all sounds terribly cliche but I don't care anymore. I don't know what to do. You say no one is there for you and I want nothing more to be your friend through all of this. I want to be there for you no matter what. But I don't know if you want someone else to be there. Also, you want people to care for you, but you dn'ot care about anyone around you. You're so inconsiderate. I'm sorry for yelling at you last night but shit needed to be said. You've been so sketchy. I don't know if it's coincidence that when I signed on today you signed off. Sometimes your actions make me feel like you really don't want me in your life. That or you're really mad at me. And right now, I really don't know if I need to be a part of your life. If I want to. I actually cried about us last night. Everything and nothing has changed. I still feel like you're my Patrick. You're the only person who actually knows me and how things are in my life. You're the only one I feel like I can go to when shit gets crazy. But I can't and don't go to you. I don't think you want me to. I miss us so much though I'd never admit it to you.
what i do best

to whom it may concern ..

let's run away together .. just me and you
let's run away somewhere where it' safe.
let's run away where it's not so noisy
let's run away somewhere where i can hear myself think.

let's go somewhere quiet
somewhere where the intersections have no lights
somewhere where the stars shine through
somewhere where the moon lights up the sky
somewhere where the sun shines through your window.

..hey, i'm new here.
  • Current Music
    veruca salt -- with david bowie

(no subject)

tomorrow will be one week. one week of me breaking up with you. one week that i lived with regret and no regret at the same time. on monday i was so happy that i broke up with you, you needed to know that you smoking weed bothers me. tuesday and every day since then has brought me down further than the day before. i never knew a guy could mean this much to me. i never knew i was gonna love someone at the age of 16.
i hated every time i saw you and you just looked away. i hated every time i wanted to run up and hold your hand or hug you. i cant do that now. i just wanna hang out with you and watch a movie. i want to paint your nails again. i want to make out with you. but now i know none of that will probley ever happen.
it bothers me that you probley wont ever change although you say i mean a lot to you, i guess i dont mean that much to you since your not willing to take that chance.
i want to go back out with you so bad but at the same time i want to hate you. i just wish you knew how i felt right now.