burninginhell (burninginhell) wrote in _letterstoyou_,

Dear Ryan,

It's december and I've been looking forward to seeing you since you came to visit in October. Your mom gave me a ride fromt he airport and that was nice but you hardly said anything to me. you hardly looked at me. I wonder what you were thinking becuase when you came down in october the first thing you did was give me a kiss and what did I get when I saw you this time I got a thumbs up. maybe it was because your parents were around. I don't get it though because they know we've done stuff because afterall I have spent the night at your house many times. 

I'm trying to figure out what I want from everything and I can't do it. I can't figure out if you're good for me or we are stuck in this circle because I'm too afraid to be completely alone. I don't know what you would think if I went out on a date with someone else. there are weeks were we don't talk at all but then when I ay I mis talking to you you act as if we've talked just recently. I don't know where you think we stand or what we are. I want to ask you but I can't. because some how I'm afraid I'm thinking the wrong thins. I jut don't know anymore what I want from you. I wih I could jusst decide. I wish you would tell me but when do we ever have time just tot alk. will I ever ee you this break? will I regret seeing you in july like I told justin I would. I knew this was an endless cycle but I also feel that we might just have a chance.

I want that chance with you we never had. we never really gave it our all at a time when it might work. we never defined anything or worked to make it last. we always had sucky timing but now things are different. we're both in college and trying to survive school far from our family but I feel like we also could have the chance together. I feel that we would be able to upport each other even when far away. maybe I'm just dreaming things that will never happen because i'm afraid of the unknown. but really can you please tell me what we are so I can stop wondering.

all my love (and yes I mean love)
the second choice girl

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