despondentbliss (despondentbliss) wrote in _letterstoyou_,

Every day I thank God that you're still in my life. I told you that.

I still love you. I told you that too.

But here's what I haven't told you: I'm selfish. I hate it, and I'm sorry. I know that what you're going through is so much harder than what I am. But I guess I have a hard time believing that your heart is in it. Don't get me wrong, I love hearing you tell me about how well your AA meetings are going, and about how your perspective is changing, and about how you're dealing with struggles. I love that you actually talk about what you're feeling. But I'm scared as hell. Because I don't think I could handle it if you don't make it through. You've never wanted to change before, and I'm worried that a part of you still doesn't want this change. And if you went back to getting drunk and doing coke and sleeping around and all that... it would fucking kill me. And that is so selfish of me.

You said you're scared as hell of a relapse. So am I, sweetie... so am I.
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