crud_donor (crud_donor) wrote in _letterstoyou_,

Dear You,

You have no idea how useless I feel around you. I seriously doubt you're trying to make me feel useless and obsolete, but then again, maybe that was your intent. I have no idea how you'd react if you found out how I feel, but all I know is whenever you're around, I feel like crap. And I shouldn't, but I do.

I mean, we have so much in common. Really: everything in common. It's kind of freaky. At first, when I met you a few weeks ago, I thought it was an opportunity to make a friend; now I see that I'm wrong. I couldn't be more wrong. You're a nice enough person, but I can never be your friend. I'd hate having this feeling of uselessness around all the time.

It's like that song; "anything you can do, I can do better" only in reverse. We like all the same things, but you're so much better at all of them. Or maybe you're not better... but you get a lot more compliments on your talent. People are always telling you how great you are, and it never goes to your head or anything, but I just get the feeling that though we share talents... you're better.

And it's not just in that. You're better than me in every other area, too. I'm smart? You're smarter. I have good conversational skills? You still whoop me ass. People say I can be pretty if I try- people already tell you you're beautiful. I'm jaded, but you're insightful and wise. My hair is always a mess but yours is described as "casually elegant". I'm funny. You're hillarious. You beat me out everywhere, in everything. And people like you better. You have friends; you're the kind of girl people want to be best friends, the kind of girl guys get crush on for your brains and your bod. I'm the kind of girl people avoid, the kind of girl guys look over. I'm weird. You're unique. I'm grumpy and angsty, you're bright band friendly.

And then when we're with a group of friends and you're there... they always talk to you. When you're around, people seldom look in my direction. Everyone looks to you for the laughs, for the insight, for the friendliness, for the good advice; and no one listens to a word I say. And then when you leave... suddenly all eyes are on me. You're gone; I have to fill your shoes. I'm expected to be as good as you, but I'm not even half as good. But no matter how hard I try to be as great a person as you are,it's never never ever enough. When you come back, all eyes are on you, and I'm invisable again.

I know this sounds angsty. I knooow. I'm angsty lately. But you're a really nice person. A great person. We have so much in common. And I really wish I could be your friend, but as long as everyone sees you as better than me... I don't think I can stomach standing in your shadow.


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