Jen (one_step_dead) wrote in _letterstoyou_,

Dear Boyfriend

I'm sorry. I want to blame it on anyone else. But I can't. It's me. I'm the one screwing this up. I want to be perfect. Better than her. I want to be so much better. I want to be the thing you cherish.. But i'm too screwed up. Im crazy.. I'm on fucking anti-depressants for god sakes! I want to stop taking them but I can't.. Ive gone for 2 days without them and i'm getting mad over nothing and getting agitated at every little thing. I don't know if it's even that. And I  know you've noticed. I don't  want to admit this because then you would know im crazy.. then you would break up with me. Then i wouldn't be perfect.  You are so kind and caring and wonderful to me. So wonderful. I kow you don't want me to be perfect. I dont like explaining this kind of thing because im not good at it. I don't want to be.I don't like the way i treat you sometimes. You don't deserve it at all and i know your wondering what did you do wrong..Please don't wonder. I know you did that enough with her. Please just forget tonight. I'm trying, I really am. I love you. Please don't ever think different. Maybe we're just spending too much time together. We do spend every day, most all day together. Maybe that's not it either. Maybe i'm just over reacting.. I want to hold you and smell you and kiss you and pretend this never happened. You're wonderful. Beautiful inside and out and you deserve the best and I want to give that to you. I want you to have fun with me.. I want you to be ecstastically happy with me. Am I expecting too much? Please forgive me. I love you.

You're faithful and loving girlfriend,

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