burninginhell (burninginhell) wrote in _letterstoyou_,

I don't know where to begin. There have been so many moments of college that you've defined. there have been times when the only thing that got me through the day was to see you. But now I wonder. How much of that was just needing another person and how many of those moments were really good things. When ever I'm in a relationship I want to feel safe. I want to be held and it make my problems melt away. I want to be noticed and recognized as something important in your life. I don't wnat to be prayed about and have you tell god how thankful you are for me. I want to know. I want to know you care and let's face the fact that actions speak louder then words. I don't know what to say anymore to get you to understand that. I'm a hopeless romantic and some how this isn't working for me. I want that feeling of being completely comfortable and open with the person I'm dating. I don't feel that with you. despite being with you for 10 months it's hard to let you into various aspects. I wonder if your family is what's keeping me hanging on. I loved going to phoenix with you. In some ways I feel like your mom spoils me more then you do. True my past boyfriends weren't perfect either but they all had something. I wonder at times like today what you have. or what you give me. I know you think you love me but that scares me. the fact that you told me you loved me one month into our relationship makes me wonder. I know I have you all confused. I really thought I loved you. I still think I love you but I know it might be for the best. It kills me to have these thoughts and you think everything is perfect. But I'm learning I can't change who you are and that perhaps I have to face that fact. I get annoyed easily with little things you do and I know I annoy you at times. I wonder whatwould happen if we weren't together. It might possibly be the hardest thign either of us have gone through but I wonder if you would think I was over you easily. I can tell you now that even if I was to break up with you it would be hard. God how I wish everything was perfect. I wish you gave me butterflies yet made me feel completely comfortable. I wished younoticed the little things I do and complimented me every once in a while without having to fish for a compliment. I wish you understood how my mind works and how I react to things. I wish you knew how your actions speak so much louder then your words and other then one monumental decision your actions speak little. I can't go back to it next year without something changing. I can't be in that same place and know that something might be out there that's better. I should stop now. I should suck it up and say I love you ont he phone. but it's too hard to say I miss you because I don't miss the stress you bring in my life. I don't like the dissappointment I don't like the lack of respect and understanding. and most importantly I don't like feeling like this and you not having a clue
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