oxwaiting4youxo (oxwaiting4youxo) wrote in _letterstoyou_,

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Tell myself, on the ride home.
Getting tired, hating all I've known.
Holding on, like it's all I have.

I'm never going to understand how easy it is for you to lose someone in your life. It seems that this year, it's all I'm doing. All my friend's are falling from me, even the new ones I've made which I want to keep close. When somebody's in a bad mood, it's so easy to let them just slip. They say things they didn't mean, you reply with things you don't mean because they frustrate you, things get taken the wrong way and bam. There they go.

Count me out, when it's clear
That I find it hard to say.
And you, find it hard to care.

How the fuck are you supposed to forgive somebody that will never change? It may have been one thing that happened in the moment, but how are you meant to forgive it if you know it's going to happen again? This feeling's not ever going to stop, every time we are feeling this way we are going to end up cutting our short fuses and basically cutting our wrists at the same time to bleed words which were held in for so long.

Got this way, upfront but never true.
God I'm wrong, it's just the way I am.
Crashing down, any chance you hear.
Caving in, any chance that you, could see inside of me.

But then, how do you not forgive somebody who you can't forget? How do you let them leave without a word, knowing they will accept whatever you choose and never look back because they're too good to be existing in the same moment as you? If you don't deserve to even talk to them, how are you going to just waltz back into this dance and keep dancing and allowing the music to enter your soul? Wouldn't it be just better to remove yourself from here before anything else occurs to stop the melody? Or are you too dependent on the feeling of euphoria you have when you talk to that person?

And I don't know what to say, it's fine.
This isn't Hollywood.
So fine, getting in your way

This moment was going to come. But so soon, I had no clue. I'm not going to allow you to walk out of my life without saying anything, but I don't know if I can stand having you in my life anymore. I can't stand the problems you cause and a lot of the time it would be easier if I never met you, but if I never met you I would have lost a lot of the feelings I have and a lot of the person I am. But is it worth it for me to be like this? For me to have to be strung up and down like a yo-yo, never stopping? Is it fair for me?

I'm taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.
Taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.

You always told me you were selfish. I told you you weren't, I used to say to you "You're not selfish at all". But sometimes it takes a long time to know somebody, and when you finally know them, you realise that they're exactly what they described. We are the ones who know ourselves the best, and we are the ones who have the flaws to show. We break relationships when we let these sides get in control, and we let it consume us. I didn't listen to you before when you said things about yourself but it's so easy for me right now to lose control and rant about you. I'm not going to, though, because I know I'm a better person than that and you deserve a lot more than that. So I'll just put myself back as the target and see how many bullseyes come before I fall.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.
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