Hi. I wish you would just respond. I know I just sent it but still. I don't know that you and I will ever have the conversation we need to. I wish we could, but I don't know that it's possible. I don't know what I want to say to you. The more I think about it, I wanna give you another chance, but I can't. Can't Can't Can't. You stomped on my heart more than once, and I just can't set myself up for that again.
Sometimes I wonder if you were ever truly my friend, but that's a pointless wonder because I can't get any answers from wondering that. Why'd you hurt me so many times? Was I that bad of a person to you? Did I deserve it? Or is it just the way you'll always be? Because if it's the latter, I honestly can't be near you.
You've hurt me so much with all of these lectures. You want me to understand how you're feeling, but you never seem to care how I'm feeling. I guess I'm so frustrated with you because you don't take good care of yourself. I wish you would. Your diabetes will leave if you lose more weight. I guess I'm just worried I'll lose you too. I don't want that. I do love you. I take my worries out by getting frustrated with every little thing you say, or do. You know you've lost some hearing; do something about it? Please? It would make things easier for me, because I HATE being yelled at constantly. I really do. You would to. You hate my attitude, and when I tell you why I have it you say basically that there's nothing you can do. It's who you are. Great. I'm stuck here with a person who wants me to be nice, but who won't even try to help me be nice by TRYING to stop doing the things that upset me so often. I want out. More than I've ever wanted out before. But you won't understand that. I know you won't. Carl is not treating me bad. If you knew what happened between us, you'd know why he's acting the way he is. And you can think he's treating me like shit, but I don't and neither do my friends. He is still very nice to me. He does things he doesn't have to for me, and it's surprising after all the hurt and pain I caused him. Yes, I was in pain, but since he's still TALKING to me, I'm happy. I'd like to be back with him, but honestly, I don't know that that can happen. We're seeing what happens, pretty much. Please don't compare these years to Bob's teenage years. Bob had a dad around, and a younger sister. I've got you, and my friends. I don't even really feel like I've got a brother because I barely see him anymore. And you need someone to talk to--other than me. You've always been a talker. I'm more of the quiet type. And you never understand when I want my alone time. Because you don't need it. You thrive on being the center of attentoin.. But I'm not like you. I take after Dad. Dad was always the quiet type. And I like that. I just wish I could show you how scared I am to lose you. You need to lose the weight, you need to get rid of the diabetes, and you really need to take much better care of yourself. Just do it for me. I couldn't take losing you, not after losing dad. And it's sad, because dad got me. Much better than either you or Bob.