i'm going stir crazy in my own house. i can't find anything to do and i think i'm going out of my mind. i have to stop myself before doing something incredibly stupid. too many things i've just realized...... too many things are going on. i don't want to deal with it, regardless of whether i can handle it or not. i didn't want to wake up today. i keep thinking if i talk to someone i will just totally rip their heads off and tear them apart. i don't want to do that, but i can't stay by myself. i think i'm a threat to myself now. its a horrible thought, to be a danger to yourself, but home alone in a house full of scary things i can't control. i want to have that control. i want to be able to back up from this tailspin and crash and get up and be normal again. only, i never was normal to begin with, so where does that leave me?