vanilla e c h o (vanillaecho) wrote in _letterstoyou_,
vanilla e c h o

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after two years of friendship, after two years of loving eachtoher and hating eachother, after two years of nothing .. something finally happened. we finally got that emotional, long awaited first kiss. was it great? yeah. did it make me think? of course. do i know what i want to happen now? not at all. last night, i was ready to go .. and you started to talk. for over a half hour .. and after that half hour i got my kiss goodnight. well .. i'm seventeen. the last thing i want right now, is some serious out of control relationship. i want to have fun wtih my best friend still .. but on that next level. i don't want to get involved in something so deep and emotional that it makes me not appreciate my final high school years. when we kissed i knew things were going to change, and i knew things weren't going to be easy. and i do want to work to see what could happen - because i think we both know how great this could be. but - the feelings you have for me, are so deep and so intense .. and that honestly scares the shit of of me. because yes i do have feelings for you .. but they are not at the same place as you are. i'm so scared to tell you this .. but i don't love you how you love me. i don't sit up at night wondering what to say or how to say it. i don't worry about the smallest things - i dont need everything to be perfect. you have this picture .. that us together is this wonderful spectacular thing that is so passionate and love filled .. but i am not at the point right now. at all. i'm not ready for that sort of commitment, for that sort of life. i love you, and i want something to happen .. but i need you to be able to come to terms with the fact that we are in two different places and that you can't be my everything because right now, i won't let you. ..i don't know what to say or how to say this to you .. but you have to know. i'm sorry for not being the everything that you have always thought i was .. i'm just this girl who isn't ready for something like this yet...
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