i hate you, 'cuz i love(d?) you.
even when i tell everyone that on friday night (saturday morning..), i had a gorgeous boy on his knees, begging me to take him back, they all say, "Say no." he hurt you once, don't let him do it again. blah, blah, blah..
i understand their point of view. my head is screaming at me, GET OUT GET OUT BEFORE IT HAPPENS AGAIN. i mean... you left me. you left me, the night my aunt died, when everything in the world was exploding and then, i had no one. there are no words for how hurt i was.
everyone's screaming for me to say no.
my head is screaming for me to simply walk away.
but my heart still loves you. and trusts you. all those pretty words.. i trust them all. i think you're beautiful. your smile, your eyes, your laughter, your jokes, that look you gave me last night.. it's all beautiful.
me: "What will happen when I run away?"
you: "I'll follow you."
me: "Even off to UMBC?"
you: "Yes. And, if I physically can't follow you, then I'll call you.. Oh man, do I hate the phone. But I'll call you. And I'll write you letters. And I'll leave you online messages. And I'll visit.
I lost you once, I fucked up and lost you once, and I never want it to happen again."
i hate not being with you. the last four months have hurt. being in your arms yesterday was heaven.
don't lose me again. i only want to be with you.