shewolfkiss (shewolfkiss) wrote in _letterstoyou_,

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Hello paragon

Sweet paragon,
I love you. Finally. And, it's all good, so good. Good like a kid on a shopping spree who drags his mom into a candy store and gets what he wants. I finally got what I want. And I'm happy. I promise I'm not lying of regretting anything. I love you paragon. Only, see it's complicated. Oh god, why the fuck does it always have to be so complicated? See, you're a senior and you're going off to college in the fall, and I'll be here, stuck in the middle of nowhere waiting for a phone call that wil never come, waiting for you to call to tell me you can't talk. Waiting, and the sad part is, I won't wait. I won't wait for you, there will be other guys. How do I explain this? You look me deep in the eyes and tell me you love me, tell me, you would give up your life for me. You would give up anything to be with me. but you're still leaving, and I won't stop you. You say we have forever, and what we have is eternal, and maybe, just maybe, we'll be Noah and Allie and in 13 years we'll meet and fall in love again. But I know that it will end, and I don't know how fair it is to keep on breaking your heart. See, you care about me more than I care about you, you always have, you always will. We're an unthinkable match really, a freshman and a senior, oh god, do you have to leave? Can't we just have little kids like we planned and live in the middle of the adirondacks under an apple tree? Can't we? I love you paragon, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But there are other people who will be there for you and there are other people who will be here for me, boy people. And long island is a long way away. We won't continue, we'll end, and it will break us up forever.
I wish.....i wish you hadn't told me you loved me the day you asked me out, maybe then, I could break us up with a smile on my face, thinking that I was only hurting myself. Because we won't last. And that makes every moment that we defy the laws of this institution so much more dietic. I love you paragon, did you hear me?
But I'm scared, scared as hell of being back where I started, being back there waiting for a rebound guy to come and pull me out of my misery of diet pills and bruised lips. Of crimson tears and blue cuticles. But you came, late, and showed me halcyon and felicity and purity and love. You showed me love and your soul. How can we ever end after that? How can we believe we'll make it after we're already planning 10 years in advance? What will happen once you get you bachelor's and I go to college? God, paragon, do you have to be so sweet? I love you paragon, my stranger, my baby.
your goddess

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