velvetstilettos (velvetstilettos) wrote in _letterstoyou_,

sealing the envelope

surfer boy

good luck on saturday..i'm excited to come watch your match. i hope JV has time to go, i'd hate to drive all the way out there and not see your match. Okay..that's a lie. Honestly, I'd drive out there to the middle of no where rich rurals just to know I'm breathing the same air as you. Standing in the same building as you. Might have even the slightest chance of seeing you, smelling you, hearing you, sensing you.
i shouldn't be this way. it's like i said last night on the phone...i swear, i'm an emotional masochist. Why do I keep coming back for more. It's all so very...
" 'Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?' Because It feels so good when I stop. "

i'm always here. and i make sure you know that - i go painfully out of my way to insure you know i'm always here for you. i call, even when i know Gina is going to hang up on me, without saying a word to you about my call - just for the slighest chance you may find out I rang. I walk over to your house in the summer, knowing i'll be heckled and tormented by your family, just by the slighest chance that your grandfather (you know he's the only member of your family that keeps the rest of them from stoning me) may tell you I stopped in.
i'm always here, and it doesn't even matter.
you could call. every fight we have, you promise you will. and i used to believe you...but for teh past year - i only pretend to believe it so we can stop bickering. you say you care about me, and rationalize your actions with the whole "I don't show i care about anyone" and it's damn not true, fuck it: Because if you treated everyone like you treat me, everyone would hate you.
I put up with so much, and keep comming back for more. It's like the glass looks is half empty and I have no hope - when the truth is
the glass is bottomless, and all I want
is More.

surfer girl

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