Thank you for everything you taught me this year.
1. NOTHING is as great as you imagine it will be.
This year, I had several first. And honestly, most were quite disappointing. Example? My first kiss. Let's start with the ideal. A girl could wait forever for her perfect, always cherished first kiss. Oh, and FOR SURE I did. 16 years for the right boy. And it's only a coincidence that his last name is Wright. Yeah, sure I could've been like the teeny-bop masses and gotten it over with like brushing my teeth or something. But I didn't want to waste it at some petty birthday party playing spin-the-bottle with lame, pre-pubescent boys. I wanted that long, deep, true look into your eyes and face. The daytime soap opera/every girl movie made kiss where he held your face and wrapped your body into his, deep, slow kiss. I won't lie. That definitely would have been nice. But MINE? We were half asleep, and I guess one could say we were spooning and cuddly the entire night. But in reality, I had set up this moment. Every damn move. My face was inches away from his, yet he still wouldn't do it. Quite anti-climactic, really. I took a breath and ended up kissing him instead. David was passed out about 4 feet away from us, Princess Diaries 2 was playing (David wanted to watch it, and I couldn't say no because I had made everyone sit through A Knight's Tale earlier in the night.), and frankly, it tasted a bit like those Funyun (sp?) rings. Oh God. And typical boy tries to make out with me. I felt bad, but honestly, I was pretty much disgusted. I had many, many other first this year. So called boyfriend (who I now not so lovingly refer to as That Little Shit). Yeah, we held hands for almost a year. Among other stuff. But it's stupid. Don't "date" in high school. Because it sucks.
2. You will never REALLY grow up.
At least to my family, I will forever be about 12 yrs old, still playing 5 zillion million piano concert/festivals/competitions a year, and wearing my beloved stirrup pants. And loving everything purple. (I still love purple. But after coming full circle after loving everything pink, black, green, etc.)
3. Ignore for attention and do things just to irk others.
Of course I do it. I own up to it. And it works. FOR REALLLL.
4. Just say it. And out loud.
It's definitely hard (REALLLYY hard), but it definitely holds true. It doesn't necessarily make anything any more real, but it certainly feels like it.
5. DON'T "beat around the bush."
To me, there is nothing, nothing, NOTHING more irritating than a beater around the bush-er (? haha). Like, seriously. Just don't do it. If there is something to be said, then it is ALWAYS something to be said. The most annoying thing is when you know what the other person want to say, or wants you to say. I'm for sure guilty of it too sometimes, but I'm a twisted mind that won't say anything. Even after you say that you "already know so [I] might as well say it." It might be wrong, but it's kind of fun. In a weird, sick, "you find pleasure in someone's discomfort" SADIST, kind of way. I've learned this lesson from living with my mom. Definitely the world's biggest around the bush beater.
6. NO ONE can disappoint you quite like they can.
7. Saying things in one breath is 9 times out of 10, a NO.
Mostly I do it so I don't break down in tears or because I'm really, reallllyyy nervous, but basically, IT DOESN'T WORK. Your voice WILL crack at the most inopportune time (such as "So why don't we just end it right now, and break up") and you always cry anyways. And that super fast, shrill shriek tone of voice? Not so attractive. On anyone.
8. Be honest. Especially with yourself.
Of course. And this is definitely something I'm working on.
9. Sometimes, it IS too late.
You can't fix everything. No matter how hard you want to, no matter how good your intentions, no matter how many times you've relived and redone that moment in your head. And no matter how perfect YOU are or can be, the world isn't perfect. And most of the time, THE WORLD is what fucks you up. NOT YOU.
10. Nothing is meant to last forever.
Even if it was meant to be, it doesn't mean that it was meant to be there always. Sometimes things are meant for right now. And even though you didn't think so, it happened that way because it was meant to. Things are supposed to happen the way they do, but it doesn't mean that it will be there to eternity. Especially things in my 17 yr old life.