To my father,
You're an asswipe. You're shitty at me for no fucking reason, and you're using the petrol-is-too-expensive excuse so that I have to choose between horse riding and staying over at one of my best friends' house. Whatever. I know you're just doing this because you're mad at me ad you have no reason why NOT to let me go.
And yes, I slammed the fucking door. Come out and charge at me, why don't you? You have no proof that I did it deliberately - I DID shut it with one hand thanks to my injured one, and I was walking back to open the door and shut it properly again. Don't tell me that you know I did it deliberately cos "I know you too well". You know JACK SHIT about me.
You don't know how much I struggle at school.
You don't know how I pretend to be over him.... but look longingly when his back is turned to me.
You don't know what my favourite colour is.
You don't know the next thing about being a teenager.
You don't know how much it hurt me, you celebrating our breakup.
Youdon't know how much I really loved him. or how much I miss him now.
You don't know anything. Anything.
So, fuck you.
At the snow, I thought you got better, I thought you'd changed. But when you yelled at mum in the car, just because of a little comment about your driving, you took all that away. And more. And today?
We all know Josh is your fucking favourite.
I wish I could just move out. And maybe fuck people for money, seeing I have my communication skills are zilch and I have to go to school.
I wish you'd be on my side for just once.
I wish you could see how much I hate this home.
I wish you never married him.
I wish I were the younger one.
I wish you would just let me grow up normally, instead of smothering me.
I just want to be me. Just let me be me before I go insane.
Just fucking kill me now. I know God says we all have a purpose in this world, but I'm quite sure I don't. I just know I'm not gonna get into uni, I'm a closet slut, the current man in my life is a horse who doesn't even like me, I suck at school and trying to live up to my parents' expectations, football season is over and I have no money.
Just fucking kill me.