Pandora (a13xandrazghost) wrote in _letterstoyou_,
Pandora
a13xandrazghost
_letterstoyou_

maybe i'm all messed up in you...

benjo,
okay so now everyone tells me to go after "ma boy" "go get your boy"...somehow i cant pry myself away from your side but the way i cling is...not how i want to, just what i'm used to. i can tell you i love you till my face turns blue and it wont do any good because there are still those time periods inbetween when i regret it. i CAN love you...you just SHOULDNT love me.
my friends all try to protect me...my best friend made me promise to never go out with you because you "treat your girlfriends like shit". i agree. i'm not gonna defend you, but i find it funny that i've had feelings for guys like you who do the shit you do and when i found out i walked away and let myself heal. with you its broadcasted and i stay there because its what i know i should do. i love thinking to myself "if he really wants me he's gonna have to work for it" i mean really work for it. first theres my dad, my best friend, my uncles...you've got work to do if you REALLY want me. i love thinking about how determined you could be all just to be with me...
we had a few conversations since my last letter...long...2:00 in the morning...real conversations.
i know you've never lied to me and that makes me happy even though no one else believes me when i say, your a different person when your with me. you dont pretend. and i know it cause i've known you my entire life...literally.
i've known you that long and we barely know one another...
i have to wait while we turn into best friends...i guess its this plan i have in my head for how its gonna work out. problem is it involves time, and it may not even work...
you once said even if i turn out to be the embodiment of your hatred you'd still love me.
i just hope what you find out in the next few years is what your looking for...no forget what you look for i want to be more than that...its just hard to be good sometimes. i guess we both have our work cut out for us.

your,
Beautiful.
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