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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope [entries|friends|calendar]
It's filling me with all you mean to me..

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[15 Jul 2011|12:42pm]

Dear Penguin,

Somehow, someway we have fallen in love with each other. An internet romance if you will, even though we've been in the same club, the same scene for the last 8 years. I guess the time was indeed right for us to finally get really close, become friends, then loves in such a short period of time. A short period to make up for time lost, giving a few nods and a hey here and there when we passed. Then you moved to somewhere so much better, started talking to me the night before you left. You left to get away from the drugs, the people, your addictions that were dragging you into a hell you nearly couldn't escape, and you came back. You came back for me. The sacrifices you made just to be near me. And now you're here. Watching the corn grow and you have given me calm. A peace that I have needed for so long. I missed you all these years, but now I have you and I will not let go. I love you. All of you, with every piece of me.

yours for life

Dear Wolfram, how to break it to you? [05 May 2011|03:17pm]

 Dear Wolfram,

You happen to be the fictional character who reintroduced me to the joys of heady fangirling. How could I not love you?! And consequently, how could I not weep when I witness you being metaphorically mutilated in innumerable fanfics? Yes Wolfram, you may or may not have fanfiction in Shin Makoku, but here on Earth, it's a global phenomenon. Ask your fiance Yuuri about it anytime. Just don't subject him to reading the kind of fanfics I'm about to rant about.

Begin rant...Collapse )


[ mood | blank ]


1 || x

WISH I COULD SEND THIS TO THEM... [08 Jul 2010|03:41pm]

Dear Team Idiot,

You all feel so high and mighty on that pedestal, saying how "Christian" you are, but all you are is full of hate.

Need proof? Hmm. Let's start with turning your head from a family member, in need of truth and faith and love. Instead you believe the snake in the garden, the 17 year old crime and shame. You, instead of looking into your hearts, decide to look into your jealous souls for a way to "crucify" the most innocent of people.

You lie, you cheat, you hate, and most of all, you call yourself something you aren't. What happened to honor? What happened to justice? What happened to being a TRUE Christian?

You're pathetic and useless in this world, yet you are so blessed to breath the air God has given you, even though you hardly deserve it.

I'm disgraced by you traitorous family members, that I would spit at my own blood if I had the chance. I've written you off. You are merely a broken branch on a wounded family tree. Maybe your branch will die off, but the tree will only heal itself and continue to grow stronger.

Did you ever think that maybe your hateful hearts would be the most evil? Did you ever think that your shameful actions and words would come back to bite you in the ass? DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, GOD KNOWS THE TRUTH, AND THAT ONE FINE DAY, YOU WILL BE JUDGED UNDER THE TRUTH?

This life is on lease my dear family members, and once our lease is up, it's time to buy our plot in heaven. Tell me, where will be your plot as you travel down this wicked road?

Best Heavenly Wishes To The Truest of Love,
My Honorable Family,

[07 Jun 2010|02:22pm]

Dear Mom and Dad,

Sorry, but when I said my dress is going to be real simple for my wedding, it's because my shoes cost is really complex.

Like... in the range of $2000... but worth it!!!!!!!

Love Always,
Your Daughter

A letter to you. [28 Jan 2010|01:21pm]

[ mood | loved ]

Dear you,

thank you for bearing with me and giving me the time of my life.
You make my day perfect as soon as I wake up and see you next to me, hugging me and giving me the first kiss of the day. Soft, loving and wonderful.
I know I can fall on your nerves now and then, especially when I am grumpy because life isn't always the playground I wish it would be. Even then, whenever I am down, depressed and don't like the current situation you are here to bring me to my feet again.
I love every day with you.
I love it, how you smile and laugh when we are joking around.
I love the feeling of holding you in my arms when you fall asleep.

You are the best thing that happened to me, you tamed a person who was full of indecision, rage at the world and who was unrested. You made me yours without taking my freedom away.

I love you.


Dear you.. [17 Dec 2009|01:53am]

[ mood | angry ]

I can't stand you any more. I wish I had never ment you. You were supposed to be my friend. You slept with my boyfriend while I was locked up. You told your mother that I wanted you to spend your money to buy me and my friends alchol. What the fuck is wrong with you?! I honestly just want to understand. I know I give people too many chances, but this is just stupid. You don't deserve to be my friend. You don't deserve to see my son. Why?! So you can fuck him over when he gets older. Whatever. I hope karma kicks your ass, cuz your 17 and I can't.


[07 Dec 2009|10:44pm]

[ mood | loved ]


It's been four long years that i've stood by and watched her treat you like shit, that i've watched you brush me aside. I finally have my chance, and i want you to know nothing feels better than being with you. Snuggling up when it gets close, acting the donkey just cause we can. i love that i can hang out with you as a friend and that it can get serious and passionate when it needs to. i love it when you make me laugh. i love it when you call me baby and act all concerned. its amazing how things can go right? i love you with everything i've got, babe, and there ain't no stoppin' now.



[08 Oct 2009|08:56pm]
I love you. Honestly, I have no idea why. I fell in love when you pulled me in to kiss me with pete's tie, and when went to the play ground and you told me that i made you feel like you were in the 5th grade again. then you broke my heart. But none the less i never got over you and i've only fallen more and more. at first i thought you were gone, we stopped talking, but you then contacted me, and here i am, in love. you flirt with me and tell me im beautiful, but i dont know how you really feel, and im to scared to tell you in fear that i wont have you in my life anymore if you dont feel the same way. i guess i'll have to wait to see you to be able to tell how you feel. but that wont be till thanksgiving.

[25 Sep 2009|12:13am]

My Dearest Alan,

I don't know if I love you the same.  I don't know if you love me the same. 

I don't like that you're so far away all the time.  And I don't know what to do.  I need more.  I don't want to break up with you.  Well, okay, at night I want to break  up with you.

And in the morning I don't know what the hell I was thinking.

... but it's night again.

You're coming home tomorrow and I'm terrified.  I know I'll either dump you or end up naked.

I don't feel like you love me at all.

And I don't have the slightest clue what to do.

My shiny new toy [01 Sep 2009|08:57pm]

Dear Shiny new toy ,

somehow I knew it would end up this way . You tried to chase something that didn't want to be chased ,and was already tied down . You had temper tantrums , and empty threats . Did you not know I was too smart for you , and that you would end up bad at the end . You after all are the shiny new toy , that fell into my lap for a brief period of time. You were a brief entertainment , you should have known that people get bored fast with new toys . You were pushy and demanding ,and I admit I followed your game for a brief period of time . Like you said , " I am too strong , and persistent " so am I . I got caught but I was not going down without a fight , I am not that girl. You were never going to be good for me , it would have not worked you have issues and I would always be in the dark . So I am keeping my current life with my current old toy . I know I am not the one broken hearted , but I hate to say this because of your drama you caused me . So my shiny new toy it is time to put you on the shelf.

I don't wanna be a part of it... [05 Aug 2009|02:44am]

[ mood | uncomfortable ]

Morning, handsome.

I can't sleep. You asked me where I was going, and that's what I told you.

But really, even though we've been together ten months, and she's been with her new boyfriend for...I don't know...six?, I can't stop thinking about her.

I had this weird imagine of you two hugging and just sort of...automatically kissing her on the forehead, even commenting that it seemed natural. I know that wouldn't really happen - especially where I (or her bf!) could see it.

So I did the usual online stalking. She and her friends look like they have so much fun! A prom party sounds awesome to me. I wish I had friends who'd do that sort of thing. And I sometimes think that I ruined things for you. That you're with me just because I was the next person. And you know you'll never love like you loved her again.

After all, I don't have a special nickname from or for you.

And you do all the same things with me as you did with her. You act the same around us.

I just wish we did something special. Aside from Wigglefest. Or that I felt special.

There should still be random spurts of romance. We haven't even hit the year mark. And we probably have to change that, too, so that it doesn't seem too close to when you two broke up. -_- At least this time I wasn't with a guy who cheated.


[28 Jul 2009|10:45am]


Dear... friend?


I don't even know where to begin with you. I don't know how it even became this way especially since we were good friends but I guess I didn't see then that we are just two completely different people. But this past year has been different. I've seen you change drastically, and because of that, I've been distancing myself from you. Maybe you've been this person all along, and I just refused to see it. But I've now become that person on the outside looking in, and I don't think I like who you are anymore.


It annoys the shit out of me that you come onto facebook and brag about everything. I know most people don't give a shit about what you have to say, as they are probably as sick of you as I am. Some of the selfish decisions you make for yourself just make me lose respect for you at every turn.


I know everyone has been hit hard with this depression, and I'm really sorry you ended up getting laid off. But despite what's happened, I must say I'm rather disappointed with the choices you've been making, especially since you're a single mom with two young girls. You've SUED our wonderful employers who have taken care of you every step of the way, for something you thought you were entitled to, but really weren't. You burned your bridge and guaranteed rehire for a few extra measly bucks and a generous severance, yet you still wonder why you're not welcome back and everyone treats you differently.


Instead of looking for a job your first couple of weeks off, you made every effort to screw your previous employers, had unnecessary "cosmetic" surgery, and spent money left and right. You went on a lavish vacation for a week, leaving your children behind, and that just sickens me. When I came home and saw you at our friend's wedding, you told me that you were living on unemployment, welfare, the severance and bonus, and child support from both baby daddies. Yet you also had the nerve to tell me, "I know this sounds bad, but I really don't want to go back to work right now." In addition, you continue to spend your money on new iphones and other "toys", endless mini-vacation trips with your friends, chasing rock groups all over the country. The only thing I can actually applaud is the couple of trips you took to Disneyland with your kids in tow. Did you feel guilty that you've been spending money on yourself and not them?


Sometimes I just wish I can give some inside tip of the ways you've been cheating the system. You're taking away money from those who need it more than you, and the rest of the people who are working are the ones paying for your "lifestyle." I am sure that the ones who end up paying for that "lifestyle" could use that money for their own families. But that's beside the point.


So please...please stop bragging about the things you just got and the things you're doing. A lot of us who are busting our asses, trying to keep our jobs or obtain one don't need this shit rubbed in our faces. The more I see, the more I really don't like you.


Just grow up and take responsibility. Since you're old enough to lie about your age, you're old enough to suck it up and be an adult and mother to your children.


I guess that is all...




[28 Jul 2009|06:29pm]


Hello everyone! Welcome to heavy_stills icon challenge community dedicted to metal and rock musicians.

Join us and take part in the 1st challenge:

[19 Jul 2009|05:41pm]

Dear You,

I love you.

Please call and say sorry.  I dont want this to be it.  I cant just be friends.  4years and this it it.

Why cant you make the time?  Why cant music take a back seat for a day?

Im not asking you to choose just make some time.  I know this is what you want to do and i would never hold you back.


You and me. I dont know how else to be mister.

I love you.


[16 Jul 2009|01:27am]

[ mood | calm ]

to all those things that were left unsaid,

i think that when i dream of you lately...they're just dreams
i'm actually quite surprised when i dream of you anymore.
whether i got over you or just simply gave up hope i'm not really too sure.
i think that one day i woke up and realized that you were just never meant for me.
if you had been things may have worked out.
i don't know if you're happy, i don't really know where we'll end up in life.
i honestly just wish that we were still friends.
we were REALLY GOOD at being friends.
good for eachother, healthy.
maybe we were meant to be really great friends.
but i got cheated out of that....
by time..space..people for sure...unwantability?

yeah i dunno.
there were some days that i stayed up just wondering if you ever really forgave me.
and then the second thought that would undoubtedly enter my head was...why do i care?
i mean...you moved on. clearly.
and FARRRR before i ever did...again..clearly.
sometimes i feel like an idiot when i talk about you or ask about you...cuz i think to myself...

i was SO pathetic...for like..6 years about you. and my friends always had to hear it. and then i think...shit..they're gonna think that i'm still like super madly in love with him...when really i'm just honestly 100% just curious for your well-being.

well whatever the case may be i'm pretty sure that i'm just over you. i was just infatuated by the idea of you and what you represented. you are the best experience of my life so far...both learning experience and just emotional love experience. whether you loved me back or not really doesn't even matter to me anymore.
i know that i loved you with everything i had. some things happened...life is hell right? but it doesn't change how i felt about you.

i'll always love you. and if you showed up at my doorstep asking for my help...on anything. there is no way that i could possibly say no. I just wish you knew that. knew all of this. we'll see where life leads us...but where ever it may be i hope it finds you well and happy. That much i will always hope for. maybe in another life we'll be what we were meant to be. whatever that may be.

love always,


[12 Jul 2009|06:40pm]

Dear Michelle,
I think that it sucks that we were best friends and you haven't even made an effort to talk to me since school ended. Whatever, if you don't want me as a friend anymore then thats fine, I'll just make sure to get better friends when I move in September.

[08 Jun 2009|03:45am]

[ mood | cynical ]

Dear Auston,
My friend went up to you to tell you I thought you were hot. You came to our table on your own. You came and smoked with me. Danced with me. Kissed me. I actually gave you my number which I very deeply regret. You actually called me. You called me to drive all the way to my town and hang out with me. You were sweet and you were kind. You said sweet things. You touched me gently. Held my hand. Of course we had sex and you stayed the whole night. If you had left and not called me, just said hey to me at the club and went about your business I would have been just fine. Instead later that same day you text me and tell me you're still in love with your ex. Asshole. Then I read your blog later and you write that some girl was dancing on you at the club and you pushed her off and you're fiancé was all pissed off. The one you told me was your ex? Liar! You are a huge fucking douche and completely lame. You should have just let it the fuck go. I wasn't expecting any thing from you anyway but this is just bullshit. And the sad part I didn't even see it coming at all and now I'm the one who is hurt.


[01 Jun 2009|11:16am]

I'm sorry but I just can't help worrying myself sick over you. I'm glad you got everything off your chest on Sunday, and don't feel so burdened anymore, but your bombshells have pretty much buried me. You have to stop doing these things with her! It's not helping you at all. Don't tell her she can stay (too late). Don't let her sleep in your bed (too late). And don't say it's okay because nothing happened! Don't be such a fecking BOY and try to pull the wool over my eyes. You invited her in. It's an emotional tangle you don't need. Whether or not something happened is beside the point. Of course, you then made me feel even worse because you confessed you DID want it to happen, but you were too drunk.

It made me feel sick, that you would even think like this. I care about you too much to see you hurt again, and this is hurting you. SHE is hurting you. Let her go. I'm here for you, I promise. You're my best friend and I love you to much to leave you alone with this, but you have to try and help yourself as well. Worrying because you have me worried sick about what is making you miserable won't help either of us in the long run. Please, just be brave.

Love Jess.

STOP GOING THROUGH MY FECKING PHONE. Just because you are my boyfriend does NOT give you that right. There is NOTHING between C and I except friendship. I'm sorry you're uncomfortable, and I'm trying to balance both of you. But seriously! And if you are going to go through my messages and take things out of context, of COURSE you are going to be upset.

I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG. I never will, ever. I love you and only you in that way. Please trust me, I have never given you any reason not to and it's really upsetting and offending me that you feel the need to keep tabs on me this way.

I love you, always. Jess

[25 May 2009|11:19pm]

Dear You,
I know you're going through a hard time right now, mostly because I can tell from your body language, but partially because you're always bitching. But I know, and I accept it, and I try to look past it, and I try to help you, but, fuck, man, why'd you have to go and screw me up, too?
You know I want him, that I have wanted him for a very long time. I told you I did. And yet you feel the need to go straight up to him, right in front of my face, after you said you would help me to hook up with him, and start blatantly flirting? You have an effect on guys, man, something that I can't and will never be able to replicate. Suddenly, he's into you. He never used to ignore me in the halls, but now, when he sees us, it's you he waves at, smiles at. All of our friends know, you realize. They all side with me; one of our friends thinks I should kick your ass, to be honest. It's lucky for you that we're not middleschoolers, or I would.
I suppose I shouldn't have dithered so much-I should have gone right in there and went for him. So, like the good friend I am, I'll roll over, and let you have him, because you're going through a hard time, and I'm just trying to help you.

(p.s: Tomorrow, I'm going to passive-aggressively draw a cock on your neck while you sleep on my shoulder during 3rd. Enjoy.)

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