i'm trying to kick this. i really am this time, but its hard when everyone you live with makes you wanna hurt yourself more, including yourself. im dealing with loss, a hard loss, the loss of the only solid realtionship i had for most of my life. he took me in when my dad kicked me out and lou was in jail and he left me. i would kill to be with him again. i loved him not romanticly but as the only person i was ever to get close to. he would drive from another state to pick me up at 2 in the morning to get me makeup so no one could noticed that my boyfriend was beating me at the time. im trying to kick this even if it means some one has to break my trust and take one of my favorite posseions my butterfly knife. im trying.